As Time Goes On - A SebaCiel Story

Chapter 23: Sickness

Ignorance may be bliss, but it sure isn't right now.

Ever since Sebastian decided to tell me that I...I'm not gonna think about that quote again, if I do I fear I may have a situation that I really do not want to...well...arise.

Anyway, I can barely look him in the eye without remembering and I truly am not ready to handle something like this. Or maybe I am. It's fine. I'm fine. It's not like I'll just fawn over him the second he walks through the do-

OH MY GOD HE LOOKED AT ME. FUCK WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!

Calm the fuck down Phantomhive. You are not a child, you will not squeal in excitement. You are a mature adult with a respectable title who can handle anyth-

He gives me a wink as he leaves the room with my empty teapot.

I can't contain it any longer. I have to relieve this before I explode in a squeaky fit. I muffle the noise as much as possible. Squealing into a pillow wrapped in my duvet for extra coverage. That's when the door flies open.

"Ciel?" He asks as I freeze with my face stuffed in my pillow. How do I explain this?!

"You're embarrassed aren't you?" He leans in the doorway, looking down at me in amusement. "Have I broken you again?"

"N-No..." Convincing. So convincing 10/10 Phantomhive, really good job.

"For a profound liar you are very unconvincing."

"For a demon you are quite the asshole."

"For a respected gentleman you have quite the potty mouth."

"For an asshole you have quite the...face." Goddamnit Ciel.

"You've run out of insults haven't you? Have I taught you nothing?!"

"I'm just too ashamed to talk shit Sebastian." I may as well be honest. Even though it may kill me inside.

"Why are you ashamed?"

"Did you or did you not hear what I just did." I ask rhetorically, my voice turning flat.

"I did but why should you feel shame over something so simple? I don't understand." That's when I realise that he's not making fun of me. He's being genuine...

"It's just...it's so weak of me. I'm not someone who is used to not being in control of myself. When I'm with you physically I'm... not in control at all."

"You do understand that I'm in the same position as you, right?" He cannot be serious.

"You've got to be kidding me, I don't see you flustered and squealing from something as simple as a smile."

"I'm flustered in my own way, Ciel." He was over to sit beside me on the bed, replacing the ice in my towel before placing it on my aching head. "You see...I cannot believe I'm admitting this but...I-I can smell your scent on your clothes and I may have placed one of your shirts on a bitter rabbit to hold during the evening..."

He actually did that?! He craved my embrace so much that he created a cuddly version of myself to hold during the hours that he must fake sleep. Sebastian feels the same bubbling emotions that I do. Somehow I can barely absorb this image, he's too stoic and composed to do something so rash.

"For how long?"

"Since the day I fell for you... I know it must be difficult to think of me doing something so-" I don't even wait for him to finish as my lips press against his for a moment or two. Silencing his words. And as I pull away I open my eyes to see only shock in his own.

"I believe you...it's not embarrassing. It's actually incredibly sweet. I just wish I knew how you felt sooner, I would've accepted my own feelings sooner if I knew."

"I didn't want you to know. Your life would have been less complicated without a relationship like this."

"Well I never did like the easy option."

"You've never been easy."

"I don't think that was a compliment."

"Just take what you can get and go to sleep sweetheart."

"I'm not tired-"

"You have bags on top of bags under your eyes."

"But I could just talk to you all night..."

"I know but if you're going to fight this illness, you must rest."

"I know..."

"If I cuddle you, will you sleep?"

"Yes!"

I feel like an excitable puppy when I'm tired. I'm so affectionate that it's disgusting. I even fell asleep on top of him.

Goddamn you Sebastian, for making me crave your touch. For leaving me needing your affection for sustenance...

If only I truly believed that I dislike wanting more.

If only I wasn't afraid of having more.

If only...

(Author's Note: I am terrible at writing when I'm tired aND I'M SO TIRED RIGHT NOW SO I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS AWFUL CHAPTER)