As Time Goes On - A SebaCiel Story

Chapter 16: Unexpected Visit

The day started off as any other. Filled with paperwork, meals and tea. For Sebastian it was the same, busy schedule that he's determined to stick to. Even if I say that he doesn't have to do the little things for everyone else all the time. I suppose he enjoys it somewhat. Especially cooking and brewing. He was certainly not the best in the beginning of our contract but as I was a harsh bastard of a child, I insulted him every time, which caused him to work harder and experiment with ingredients and seasonings. Now, his cooking is the best in the world. This is no exaggeration, his meals and his tea are impeccable. And whenever I saw him in the kitchen, he seemed to be having fun.

We've come up with an idea together, to have us all at the table and for us to finally tell the other servants how we feel about each other.

And to be as truthful as possible, I'm incredibly nervous. If one of the three tells anyone outside of this Manor, then my career will be impacted dramatically. No one would allow a homosexual to be selling toys and sweets to children. This is 1893. My relationship with Sebastian would be frowned upon at best, and condemned as evil and perverse.

Although, I know that my servants are loyal. That, Mey-Rin in particular, would never let harm come to me. She has always been a sister to me, even when I acted so coldly and distant. I was such a fucki-

My self deprecating thoughts were so rudely interrupted by a knock on the door. "Come in." I answer professionally.

My stomach drops as Lady Elizabeth basically runs to my chair to pull me into a hug that is so tight that I can't find a way to breathe. "E-Elizabeth?! What are you doing here?!" I ask in an exasperated tone, more than glad when she lets me go.

"I ran away to see you!" She scans my outfit and tuts at me. "No, no, no, no, NO! This isn't cute at all!"

"Elizabeth-"

"Please call me Lizzy!"

"L-Lizzy you shouldn't be running away from home to see me, we've talked about this!"

"I..I know but I wanted to see you!"

"Then why didn't you arrange a meeting with your parents?"

"That's not any fun now is it?"

"It's certainly more convenient than bursting in whenever you damn well please!"

Tears begin to fill in her emerald green eyes, "You don't want me here?"

"Of course you're welcome here..." I let out a sigh, having become so tired of having to handle these tears that seem to conveniently fall when I'm saying something practical.

"Thank you so much...I-I love you Ciel." I bristle at her words. I hate lying to her. I always have. I've been engaged to her since I was born. When she was only one year old. I have loved her as the cousin that she is, as my childhood friend but I could never love her the way she wants me too. And it breaks my heart that she could never forgive me for what I have to say.

So I say nothing in return.

One hour later

I've avoided talking about the engagement as I always do around Elizabe-...Lizzy. I have pushed the engagement back for so long that I no longer want to deal with it anymore. It's just another roadblock in the way of what I want...And it would put a target on Lizzy's back. I couldn't risk that. I can't risk raising a family when the Phantomhive name is twisted in darkness and tainted in the blood of it's enemies.

She'd die for loving me. I couldn't risk losing my friend.

We take a seat at the table, with all of the other servants suspiciously completing yet messing up slightly, the tasks that Sebastian would normally handle. In fact...ever since Lizzy arrived he's been rather out of sight.

"So Ciel, when are we getting married?!" She asks excitedly in her rather high pitched voice. I choke on the wine that I had hoped to drink in peace. For Lucifer's sake, can I get a break just once?

I try to hold in my coughing but it doesn't go away as quickly as I had hoped. Trying to look dignified is difficult when you are coughing up your lungs.

That's when Sebastian finally appears to check on me, his face in completely expressionless as he gently pats my back. Giving me a glass of water to drink. His eyes are filled with what seemed like...anger. Why would he be angry towards me? He doesn't leave the room, choosing to stand with a table cloth draped over his forearm with a plastic, empty smile.

"Lizzy...there's something I need to tell you about the wedding." That's when I see both faces turn to shock. For very different reasons.

"Oh Ciel! What is it?"

"You see Lizzy, you must hear it all. I'm..." I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Here we go. "In love with Sebastian Michaelis."

Her face turns to stone but I continue anyway. "I love you as the person who has always tried so hard to make me happy, as my friend but I could never see you romantically because...I've only ever been attracted to him. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner-"

S L A P

Her hand collides with my face, the burning in my cheek indicating how hard she hit me. My vision going fuzzy in my right eye, luckily it's not the eye that isn't covered by the eyepatch. She grabs my collar and begins to shake me. Sebastian tries to step in but I signal that he shouldn't.

I want her to get it all out. To hurt me. To beat me and break me like I've just broken her heart.

I want it to hurt. For the pain of the violence and the pain of the loss to be carved into my soul. For it would be so much sweeter.