I'm in the doctors office with derek. I'm sat beside him, holding his hand as he talks to the doctor. Carolyn and Christopher are sat with us too.
Derek now wants the surgery, but I'm not so sure. We brought him to the doctors to talk about the risks of the surgery.
"The risks are that you'll lose feeling in your thighs too" the doctor explains. "Just his thighs, or-" I clear my throat. "He'd have to have a-a bag.. that would help hi-" the doctor explains.
"Derek, would you be okay with that?" I ask. "...yes" he says hesitantly. "It also means he'd need more assistance with some things.. and no intercourse at all" the doctor says.
I look at derek but he doesn't react. He notices me staring and looks at me. "That means sex.. no sex" I whisper. "What?... what!?" He exclaims. The doctor nods.
"Even hand stuff?" He asks. "Derek please" I sigh, hiding my face from his parents. "Yes.. everything" the doctor says. He frowns.
"Mouth stuff?" He asks. "Derek" I whine. "I mean.. on her, but not on you" the doctor says. "That's so unfair" Derek says. Christopher chuckles.
"Baby, look at me" I whisper. He looks at me. I put my hand on his cheek. "I will stay with you no matter what, okay? But this is a huge decision and I think you need to think about it for a while" I say.
"You promise you won't leave me" he says. "I promise" I hug his neck tightly. "Even if you have to help me change my shit bags?" He asks. We all laugh. He smiles. "Even if I have to do that" I giggle.
"Why?" He asks. "Because I love you" I say. "Why?" He asks. "Because you're sweet.. and handsome.. and cute.. and you're always there for me, just like I am for you" I whisper.
"I have a question" Carolyn says. "Yeah?" The doctor asks. "I didn't know you two were having sex" she looks at us. "I-" I clear my throat. "Ever since six weeks and four days ago" Derek says.
"Is there a problem?" He asks. "No, I'm just surprised you didn't tell me or daddy, sweetheart" she says. "I'm a private person, mother" he says. I giggle.
"You are the least private person I know" Christopher says. "Meredith told me not to tell everybody" he says. "Oh" they say.
"So.. you're okay?" Carolyn asks. He nods. "Meredith is reallllllyyyyy good in bed" he says. "Derek, please!" I whine.
"I'm going to go and wait outside" I get up. I lean down and kiss his cheek. "Why?" He grabs my hand. "You embarrassed her, sweetheart" Carolyn chuckles. "Oh, I'm sorry" he says. "Its okay" I say.
"Stay here, I'll stop I promise" he says. I sit down. He entwines our fingers. I rest my head on his shoulder.
"I want the surgery, I don't care about sex" he says. "Oh, thanks" I say sarcastically. "For what?" He asks. His dad whispers something into his ear.
"I care about you, and I love having sex with you.. but it's not the most important thing, to either of us" he says. I smile. "How did you know that would make her smile?" He asks Christopher. I giggle, hugging his arm.
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It's hours after the doctors appointment and we're in bed. I'm laid on my back and he's laid on his stomach between my legs. I have to pull him ontop of me when we do this, but he says he likes it.
I'm running my fingers through his hair as he rests his head on my chest. We're both naked from earlier.
"Can I sleep here?" He mumbles. "Yeah baby" I whisper. "But you don't sleep.. you'll snore in my ear" he says. "Okay, I'll stay up" i giggle. He closes his eyes.
"I love you" he mumbles. "I love you more" I say. He lifts himself up slightly and rests on his forearms. I smile, looking into his eyes.
"Would you miss this? If we couldn't do it anymore" I ask. He nods. "The doctor said I can still touch you" he smiles. "Would you still want to do that?" I ask. He nods.
"As long as I get to see your beautiful naked body, I'll be fine" he whispers. I smile.
"You might not feel the same about me if you can't feel your penis.. you won't get turned on.. what if you don't find me attractive anymore?" I tear up. "I'll always find you attractive.. you're gorgeous" he says.
"I don't want you to lose feelings for me" I start crying. "Stop" He says. I cry harder. "Stop it meredith, you're scaring me" he says. I sniffle.
"I don't want to lose the feel of my lower half.. I just want a chance at walking" he tears up. "I want that for you too" I say. I kiss his face softly a few times.
"And imagine all the amazing sex we can have if I could walk" he smiles. I smile too. "Mhm, you think you'd have moves, baby?" I giggle. He nods. He kisses me.
"I do like the feeling of having you ontop of me" I run my hand up and down his back slowly. "I like the feeling of being ontop of you" he smiles.
"You know what else?" I say. He looks at me. "You'd get to walk, and be stood watching me walk down the aisle" I smile. A huge grin forms on his face and I giggle happily.
"And I could get down on one knee to propose!" He says excitedly. I smile, nodding.
"And we could have very hot, steamy showers together" I whisper. "Really?" He asks. I nod. I move slightly under him and smile as I feel the erection forming against my thigh.
"And what would we do in the shower?" He asks. "Well, you'd have me pressed against the wall.. and you'd be inside of me, fucking me whilst the water falls on our bodies" I whisper in his ear. He grows rock hard. I bite my lip.
I reach down and undo his trousers before pushing him onto his back and climbing ontop of him. He kisses me.
