Chicago one Imagines

Empty Room »» Matt Casey

This is a really sad one, sorry. 🥲
Here's the song if you're interested:

"I'll talk to the walls, I'll tell them the truth. Have a heart to heart with the ceiling, cause I can't with you. I got all this love but what good does it do if I'm all alone so I'll scream it to this empty room, hoping it'll get to you"

Music is blasting through my ears, the room is dark and quiet, the only source of light is from the streetlights and the moon shining in through my window. I'm leaning against the headboard, staring off into the darkness while listening to a playlist of all sad songs. It's been a few weeks and the pain of losing him hasn't gotten any better. This is the heaviest my heart has ever felt.

Matt got stuck in a fire, there were just too many flames, by the time they got him to the hospital...he didn't make it. We have been together for the past six years so I'm losing more than just a boyfriend or a best friend. He was my other half. None of it feels real anymore. It feels like I'm living in some horrible dream that I'm about to wake up from. But unfortunately not, and this is reality.

There's a picture across the room sitting on the dresser. It's the two of us from last year when we took a trip. He looks so happy in that picture. We went through the millions of photos in my camera roll from that trip and that's the one he wanted framed. Looking at it reminds me of him and brings pain to my chest. My eyes water with tears before looking out the window. My friends have been incredibly comforting but tonight I wanted to be alone.

It's healthy to just cry and let it out sometimes. That's kind of what I'm doing now. Letting it all out. The next song to play caused my heart to break and the waterfall of tears rushed from my eyes and down my cheeks. It's called Empty Room. I bury my face in my hands and sob. It felt like everything around me is falling apart.

Flashback*

A smile appears on my face when feeling arms snake around my waist. I turn and see Matt standing there smiling at me. His hold on me tightens as he leans in and kisses me softly. I'm currently trying to make some popcorn for the movie we're about to watch. Every Friday night we have movie nights and just hangout.

It's my favorite and I always look forward to it. We both just spend time together and pretend for one moment that we don't have any problems in the world. He leans in close, planting a soft kiss on my lips before pulling away. "Movie is ready, just waiting on you." He smirks. I start to say something but the microwave beeps, indicating that the popcorn is done.

"Popcorn is ready." I take it out and we cuddle next to each other on the couch. He throws a blanket over top of us while my head rests on his shoulder. We then begin the movie. We chose a comedy and hearing him laugh felt like music to my ears.

"I love you." I grin.

"I love you too." He replies then kisses the top of my head.

End of flashback*

I'm sure he would want me to mourn but he definitely wouldn't want me to be miserable or depressed. It's so hard not to be this sad when losing someone so close to you. He meant absolutely everything to me and it feels like I lost a piece of myself. The reason for my laugher, my smile when waking up in the morning, the reason for my happiness has been ripped away from me and there's nothing I can do to change it.

There's a knock on my front door but I ignore it. I'm not in the mood to talk with anyone right now. I've kind of been shutting out the world for a few days. Like I've said before, I want to be alone. Eventually the knocking stopped and I'm guessing whoever it was left. I wipe the tears from my cheeks and take in a deep breath.

"This isn't healthy, you should talk to someone." I hear and I look up to see Matt. He is sitting on the bed, next to me.

"You aren't real." I whisper. He looks me in the eyes and shakes his head no.

"No, I'm only a figment of your imagination. You should go out and see your friends." He tells me. I shake my head no and look out the window. "I'm your thoughts y/n so whatever I say is what you're thinking. You know it's not healthy to shut the world out."

"I miss you...so much. This pain, it's the worst thing I've ever felt in my life and I'm tired. I never thought a heart could hurt this much." I cry while staring over at him. He gives a comforting smile.

"You're going to be okay. I promise. It hurts now and it will for a while. It will feel like it's never gonna get better but with time your heart will start healing again. Life moves on and eventually you will too." He reassures me.

"I don't want to forget you." I cry. He rests his hand on mine and smiles.

"You don't have to. In a way it wouldn't be right if you did. I'm always going to hold a place in your heart but you need to make room for new things. Meet new people and be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you, baby." He says.

I nod and rest my head against the headboard, closing my eyes, and letting out a breath. When I opened my eyes again, he was gone. It hurts so bad not having him. There's this physical pain in my chest but I'm going to do what he wants. I'm going to start talking with someone. I wanna get better. I will get better.