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Four years in this hospital and never did I think today would be my last. Things have changed so much, including my relationship with y/n. We started out as work friends then it progressed into us hanging out all the time outside of work. Then we eventually started dating. It was a two-year relationship until we broke up last year.
It's been a year and sometimes it feels like we can never go back to being the same kind of friends again. Things between us have grown awkward. She stays on her side of the hospital and I stay on mine. She works on the maternity ward...she always did love babies. Her work makes her happy as well as mine. I'm happy working in the ED as a trauma surgeon.
My heart suddenly started beating faster when y/n entered the ED holding a clipboard. She handed it to Maggie before lifting her head to make eye contact with me. A smile spread across her face and she waved before making her way over to me. "Hey, I was just thinking we should get together tonight. Maybe at Molly's?" She suggests.
I shake my head, yes and she nods before saying goodbye and heading back upstairs. I take in a sharp breath and then get back to work. It's hard seeing her every day when I still seem to have feelings for her. Sometimes it feels like the breakup was only mutual for her and definitely not for me. The day went by very slowly until I went home and got ready to head over to Molly's.
Now I'm standing outside of the bar debating on running home or staying. When y/n found out today was my last day of work, she wanted to throw me a party but I went against it. I'm not much of an attention guy. Before I could make up my mind about leaving I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn to see it was Will Halstead.
"You okay?" He asks me. I shake my head yes and smile.
"Let's head inside," I say. The two of us go into the bar where we find everyone having fun. My eyes spot y/n at the bar talking with Maggie. Slowly I inch my way over to her when she smiles and says hello. "Hey guys, how are you?" I ask them.
"Good, thank you, I'm actually gonna go get another one of these." Maggie smiles as she gestures to her beer. She walks away leaving y/n and me alone.
"So, now that today is over, what's next for you?" She asks me before taking a sip from her beer bottle. I shrug my shoulders and sigh.
"I don't know yet. I'm thinking of heading to New York. I hear they have a hospital there looking for new doctors." I tell her. She sees the uncertainty in my eyes and nods her head. Someone comes over and takes my order which is just what y/n has because I don't plan on drinking much tonight.
"Are we okay?" She asked me and I frowned confused. "I just mean that ever since we broke up things seem awkward between us and I get this feeling you don't want this...that you want to be more than friends." She explains.
"I honestly don't know anymore. The only thing I'm sure of is that I still want you. Coming into work every day ever since we broke up has killed me. Seeing the girl you're in love with so close but can't touch, it's hard." I admit and she gives me a look of sympathy. It's a look I was trying to avoid but the truth was bound to come out sooner or later about how I felt for her.
"I thought our breakup was mutual." She frowns at me.
"For you it was. But I love you y/n and I don't know how you could have ever stopped."
"Who said I did! Connor, I love you but I just don't think we can go back to the way it was before." She sighs.
"Then I guess that's it, we're done and I'm leaving," I say while standing to my feet. She started to say something but closed her mouth and watched as I left the crowded bar. After getting home I set my stuff down and rested my hands on the counter while staring into the darkness of my empty apartment. Such a lonely feeling.
Maybe moving to New York will be better. Maybe...just maybe I'll be able to move on for good.
