Chicago one Imagines

Apart of the job »» Jay Halstead

I throw my phone down onto my desk and sigh annoyed. Kim watches me as I sit down and rub my eyes tiredly. She understands that Jay and myself just tried saving a girl from her abusive and drug dealing boyfriend. We were trying to bust him but she got caught up in it all. We got to her too late and he killed her. Somehow it all feels like my fault.

We had talked with her before and I told her we'd do everything we could to protect her. If I wasn't so stupid then maybe she would still be here. I'm completely heartbroken by the whole incident. This girl didn't deserve any of this crap she was put into. Jay is upset by it too but not as much as me. I'm fairly new to the job so things like this kind of get to me. It bothered me as a cop too.

Being a detective feels like more responsibility and maybe I'm just not ready for it. Voight put so much trust in me when giving me this job and I'm screwing it up by being overly emotional. It feels like you have to have thick skin for this kind of job. Kim sits on the edge of my desk and gives me a soft smile. "You okay?" She asks. I look at her and sigh.

"Yeah, aside from the fact that I couldn't save that poor girl." I groan. She stands and rested her hand on my shoulder.

"With this line of work we're going to lose people and if you dwell on it too much, it can really break a person. I know it's hard right now but try and focus on the positives." She assures before getting back to work. She isn't completely wrong I guess. A positive is that we arrested the guy who did this.

"Hey," I hear and look up to see Jay standing there looking at me concerned. "How are you after today?"

"I'm okay thanks." I smile.

"You seemed pretty upset earlier and it worried me. I know this can be hard some times." He tells me and I shake my head.

"I was but I'm trying to think of the good that came out of this. We got the guy and all of his friends. It's a win." I say. He nods and leans down to kiss my head.

"I knew you could handle this job. You're stronger than you think y/n." He whispers and I thank him before he walks away.

Later after work I pack up and head home alone. Jay stayed late to wrap a few things up but promised me he'd be home soon. Since I didn't really have an appetite for dinner, I just take a shower and crawl into bed. It took some time but before I knew it, sleep overcame me.

"You promised detective," the girl from before said as she looks at me with tears in her eyes and blood dripping from her stomach where she was shot. My heart stopped beating and a lump formed in my throat.

"No, I tried but it-" I try and explain but she shook her head and interrupted me.

"You lied!" She yelled. Tears welled up in my eyes. "You lied and now I'm dead!"

Tears roll down my cheeks and I close my eyes. "Stop. Please just stop." I beg.

"Y/n?"

"Y/n wake up." I hear and my eyes open wide and I sit up in bed confused. I look over at the bedroom window and see the city outside and the moon in the sky. I look next to me and sitting on the edge of the bed is Jay. He's looking at me with worry in his eyes. Without a word being said, I pull him into a tight hug. He hugs me back and wraps his arms protectively around me.

"Are you okay?" He asks. I shake my head no and let a tear roll down my cheek. "It was only a dream...it's not real."

"Jay I'm sorry but I can't handle this," I let out before pulling away. He looked in my eyes confused. "I thought that when Voight offered me this job I'd be able to do it but I can't. It hurts too much and I can't stop seeing that girl. I can't stop it. I'm sorry..." I cry. He grabs me and holds onto me tightly.

"It's okay. It's okay. Just breathe. You don't have to be sorry for anything. I've got you." He reassures me. I rest my head on his chest as he holds my body close to his. "We'll get through this...together."

"I love you." I say quietly. I'm so thankful to have him because I don't think I'd be able to get through this alone.

"I love you too, sweetheart." He replied. I think I'm going to quit tomorrow and go back to my other job. It seems like the right choice. I'm just not ready yet and that's okay.

It's going to be okay.