Chicago one Imagines

Broken Hearted »» Jay Halstead

My vision had already started getting blurry, indicating that it's probably best I stop. Only my fingers were already wrapped around the half empty bottle. Sucking in a sharp breath, I pour the glass to the top with vodka. Not the best tasting but I don't really care right now. Alcohol has become the way of me trying to get rid of my feelings.

Two weeks ago out of no where, Jay broke up with me. All his reasons felt stupid at the time and now I'm heartbroken. The only thing I want in the world right now is him. But he isn't coming back. It feels like alcohol is the only thing that is here for me. Once sitting down on the couch, I take a sip from my glass. Definitely an acquired taste if you're someone who doesn't drink often.

I've been through heartbreaks in my life but something about this one is different. He made me feel safe with him. He made me think my heart was safe with him. I don't think I've ever been as in love with anyone else, like I am with him. Perhaps that's why this hurts so much. The sound of loud knocking pulled me away from my thoughts.

I'm not in the mood for company right now. Maybe if I don't answer the door then they will just leave. A minute goes by but the person isn't getting the hint. Feeling drunk and slightly annoyed, I answer the door. It caught me off guard seeing Jay stand there. His face looks worried as he stares me up and down. It's making me feel self conscious.

"Why are you here?" I ask him.

"Y/n you're drunk." He states the obvious.

"That's not what I asked." My eyebrow raises. He shakes his head. There's a frown on his face and it's very clear that he is worried about me.

"Well your friends said you haven't left the house in almost a week and you're on the verge of getting fired. They were...I'm worried about you." He explains. I roll my eyes annoyed at how everyone is worried for nothing. I'm fine. Yes I'm a little sad and torn up about the breakup I just went through but aside from that everything is good.

He steps past me and into the apartment. His eyes dart over to my coffee table that has a half empty bottle of vodka on it and an empty bottle of wine. It's been two weeks since I've seen him and I missed it. My heart starts to beat faster when he steps closer to me.

"You smell like a liquor store." His voice is soft yet full of concern.

"Then leave." The words came out harsher than I meant them too. The look on his face is almost unreadable as he stares at me.

"Y/n I'm only trying to help you. We may not be together anymore but that won't stop me from caring about you." He admits and for some reason that angered me.

"I'm sorry but no...you don't get to break up with me after spending the last six years together then come back and pretend like nothing ever happened. It's not your job to care about me anymore, Jay!"

"You can hate me all you want but I'm not going to stand around and watch you throw everything you worked for away." He spit back. "Now give me the glass." He holds his hand out, demanding I give him all the alcohol I own.

"No. Now leave." I glare angrily.

"Y/n I'm not leaving until you're sober and gotten rid of all this alcohol." He ordered. I stood my ground, making him sigh. "Why are you fighting me so hard on this. Why can't you just-" he starts but I cut him off.

"You don't get it! You hurt me! You ripped my heart out of my chest like it didn't even matter. So no I won't give you the alcohol because it's all I've got left. Vodka was easier to swallow than the fact that you weren't coming back." By the end of my rant, tears were dripping from my eyes and down my cheeks.

Just by looking into his saddened eyes, it's obvious that his heart is breaking too. For a moment he didn't say anything, and just stood there staring at me. Without saying a word, he wraps his arms around me and holds me in a tight hug. We stay like that for a long time until pulling away. He cups my cheek in his hand and wipes away my tears.

"I had no idea how much our breakup broke you. I'm so sorry for ever putting you in pain. Y/n, if I could then I'd take away all your pain. I never want you to suffer like this." He whispers. His eyes watered but he never cried.

"I just need you to be here with me, right now. I'm so tired of being alone." I reply. He pulls me back into another hug, my head resting on his chest. I've missed this so much.

"You'll never be alone. Together or not, you will always have me." He mumbles. In that moment, during our hug I made the choice to do better. I'm done drinking and I'm ready to start healing. This really isn't how I want to live my life. As much as I love and miss Jay, I want to start living my life again. But this time...I'll be living it for me.