Selcouth

[52] - just go for it

SANTI

Days passed, but the pain didn't.

I've been listening to a few podcasts, reading some articles. They all say the same. With time it's gets better.

At first I thought it meant the pain fades away. But that ain't it. While that hurt and emptiness stays, you start living day by day.

You never forget, you never move on. You simply just keep going. Still, you have two choices. You let it consume your life and everything about it, or you make it one more reason to live to the fullest. For them.

My grandpa was...wild. From the way he met my grandma to his out of the blue ideas of holiday's trips. He insisted in getting dressed as Santa on Christmas because he believe without one, the kids wouldn't know the magic of it all.

He was nothing like mom, even though he could be a bit stubborn sometimes. I never understood what happened for her to become like this but I guess we all have our reasons.

She might not ever been a bad mother to me but she was to Kiki. There's no one more important than my sister to me. So if someone does something to her, they automatically do something to me.

It has always been hard to be sure she's okay because my twin doesn't let her emotions show often. She closes off, shuts us out. Even Lizzie.

When I found out what really happened a year ago at my father's house, anger filled in my veins but one thought topped it all. She let Stone in.

Yes, she called me not him. But when he was the one answering she didn't push him away. Or maybe she tried at first but slowly let him.

I have no idea how I didn't see it before but it's clear they care deeply about each other. There's some kind of understanding between them.

At first it wasn't easy to sink it down. My best friend and my sister. But who better than the guy I trust the most? Even if he can be a asshole sometimes.

I know they will get over whatever's happening right now. They have to. Because from what I've seen the last couple days, they're worse when they're without each other.

Stone: liz is on her way there.
Stone: i know u will be okay with her, but i'm here.
Me: thanks honey, i might need one of ur smooches.
Stone: good to know ur still capable of making jokes
Me: it's a Rivera thing
Stone: ...
Me: just ask already, (idiot).
Stone: (fuck you) ... how is she?
Me: (i have a gf) mostly numb to it all, closing off.
Stone: shit.

The screen goes dark and I toss my phone against the bed. With a sigh I walk towards my sister's room, knowing twice.

When I get no answer back, I open the door slowly just in case. Looking around, I can barely see anything with all the lights off and the curtains closed. She's really pulling a Dracula here.

"Unless you brought food, I don't want to talk" she mumbles against her pillow.

I press my lips together. "Nope, but I did bring a session of love life therapy" I try to make it sound exciting but her groaning response ruins it.

"Are you trying to make me feel worse?!" she slams her head against the pillow as I reach closer.

"Nah, I'm just pretty sure I know exactly what- or who you need but your pride doesn't let you admit it" Kiara turns her face to me and peeks with one eye.

"Do we really have to have that talk right now?" she gives me puppy eyes but I ain't falling for them.

I think of changing tactics. "No..." her eyes glow with hope "...if you can look straight at my face and tell me you don't want Stone here to make it all better"

"I think you're mistaking us for you and Liz" she grimaces and I can't help but chuckle.

"She's worried about you too, you know" my chest clenches at the way her eyes sadden "Why did you run away?"

"So he really told you, huh" changing the subject, really sis? Not gonna work with me.

"Are you scared?"

"Santi."

"He's not going to hurt you."

She snorts. "How can you be so sure?"

Flinching I hesitate. Not that I'm not sure. For some reason I know Stone would never hurt intentionality. It's the fact that I trust him so much that has me holding back. I get why she's afraid.

"Because before he could even think of doing anything, you'd hurt yourself first by not letting it happen" her mouth opens and closes a few times.

"He's your best friend, you should be mad" squinting her eyes at me, she raises a brow in suspicion.

"Don't worry, I punched him"

"Ah, so relieved now"

Ha! That's some sarcasm right there, ladies and gentlemen. There's still hope for my sister! Now I just have to get her out of bed and on her way to the game.

"I know you've never wanted to talk about the whole reason why you started hating him, but let me make you a question" she hesitates before nodding "Are you really going to let it ruin your chances on being truly happy?"

"Happiness is a temporary illusion" well we're back at the depressing thoughts.

"Only people who sabotage themselves from feeling it, say that" I remark.

She glares at me. "You're annoying"

"And you like my best friend"

"Ugh, don't say it. It's bad enough it's true" Kiki digs her head back into the pillow.

A few minutes pass. "...there's a game tonight."

"No."

"I didn't say anything!"

"You thought about it." she grunts out and I roll my eyes "I'm not going"

"Not even to support your brother who you love very very very much?" I give her puppy eyes.

"Brother's don't make their sister go to a game where the guy they like but can't have is going to be at" Kiki complains and I grin at the fact that she confessed it again.

"Why can't you have him?"

"I can't."

"Don't you want to?"

"I do but-"

"Then just go for it, Kiki."

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