Twisted Wonderland

A Myriad of Qualities

   After rounding up all the students you could, you stand outside of the school store. Crowley claps his hands. "Time for roll call! Trey Clover. Jack Howl. Jade Leech. Floyd Leech. Leona Kingscholar. Vil Schoenheit. Sebek Zigvolt."

   Trey adjusts the rim of his glasses. "Those ghosts were chasing me everywhere. So this is where you all escaped to."

   Jade smiles to you. "I'm quite relieved we could meet up with you."

   Vil steps forward. "Headmage, may I ask what you want with the seven of us?"

   "I want you to ask for the Ghost Bride's hand in marriage." Crowley answers.

   Jack's eyes widen. "Scuse me? Just what are you on about?"

   "Pardon me." Riddle steps forward. "It would be a dereliction of my duty to dispatch my vice housewarden while I sit on the sidelines. Allow me to join them, Headmage!

   Crowley shakes his head. "Unfortunately I can't, Rosehearts."

   Riddle folds his arms. "Whyever not?"

   "You must ask what these seven students have in common." The Headmage continues. "The answer is simple... They're all over one hundred and eighty centimeters tall!"

   "Are... Are you calling me SHORT?"

   Floyd laughs. "Oh man, you can't reach the 'you must be this tall sign?' Wanna stand on my tailfin? Might give you some extra height."

   "Not in the least." Riddle glares at the twin. "She's choosing a husband based on height? So she'd prefer a slippery scoundrel like Floyd because he happens to be tall? That's ridiculous."

   "Now, now, Riddle." Trey tries to calm him down. "Everyone has their quirks."

   Riddle smooths out his school uniform. "Yes, I know, there's no accounting for taste."

   Floyd grins at Riddle. "That's the spirit! Besides, bein' small's got its own charm." Floyd lets go of Riddle and pretends to look around. "Wait. Where's Goldfishie? Did he just disappear?"

   Riddle glowers at the twin. "What are you talking about, Floyd? I'm right-"

   "Oh, THERE you are!" Floyd wraps an arm around Riddle. "I couldn't see you from up here!"

   Riddle shoves Floyd off him and gives him the scariest death glare you've ever seen. Trey shakes his head. "Riddle, he's just goading you again."

   "The Ghost Bride has spent years searching for her perfect companion." The Headmage continues. "She'll be unwilling to compromise. She seeks a myriad of qualities in a groom, from a particular countenance to physique... but most of those qualities are vague at best. However, the one quality that is unambiguous is height. As much as I applaud your dedication, Rosehearts, I must ask you to defer this job to ensure a successful operation."

   Vil folds his arms. "Doesn't Malleus also meet the height requirement? Why have you not called him?"

   "It is true Malleus is a literal prince." Lilia nods." Were he to propose, I'm sure she would welcome him with open arms. But it wouldn't do for Briar Valley's heir apparent to propose to a random ghost, even if, nay, ESPECIALLY IF, that proposal is a lie. Simply proposing could set off an international incident. Sebek's offering his services in Malleus's stead."

   Sebek puts a hand to his chest proudly. "I could ask for no greater honor than to act on our lord's behalf!"

   Leona scoffs. "Open arms? Whatever. You got no clue if she'd choose Malleus."

   Sebek folds his arms and chuckles. "Malleus possesses a singular beauty. If he were here, he's be selected as a matter of course! The rest of you are but specks of dust on his immaculate boots!"

   Leona puts a hand in his hip. "Hah. What a mouth."

   You rub the back of your neck. Geez. Just who is this Malleus guy?

   Vil rolls his eyes. "Please. You're all a bunch of unwashed, overripened vegetables."

   Leona folds his arms with a smirk. "Who needs Malleus when I'm on the job?"

   Vil grins. "It might be an impossible task for most, but for me?"

   "Operation Proposal is as good as done." They both finish.

   The Headmage claps his hands. "Marvelous! It's wonderful to see two housewardens so eager to step up."

   Ortho nods. "I'll put up the surveillance feeds so that the rest of us can monitor your progress."

   "I'm positively certain she'll choose Vil!" Rook praises Vil. "You couldn't find a fairer groom of you tried. Wouldn't you agree, Epel?"

   "Huh? Oh, uhh..." Epel says more quietly. "If I had to propose to a lady all fancy-like and spout a buncha sappy lines, I'd cringe so hard my soul'd leave my body... But I'm sure Vil can pull it off!"

   Vil puts his hands on his hips. "I heard all of that, you know."

   Rook smiles. "We'll make sure to catch every moment of your shining beauty, Vil!"

   The ghosts turned the cafeteria into a wedding banquet. White drapes and streamers hang from the walls and chandeliers. The tables are rearranged and beautifully decorated with a white tablecloth, purple flowers and golden candelabras. Chairs were tucked under the tables. They were draped with a white cloth and tied with a purple ribbon.

   The Ghost Bride floats around happily. "Ooh, what a lovely day this is! I haven't felt so alive since... well, when I was alive! Finally, at long last..." She leans against Idia, clinging to his arm. "I've found you, my perfect prince!"

   "SOMEBODY, GET ME OUT OF HEEERE!"