A promise to keep [Lando Norris]

73

Meg

I heard him.

I heard Lando breaking down after getting off the phone with Max. It was that moment I knew I had to be strong. I had to pretend I was okay even when I was dying inside.

I felt like it was my fault so much.

I had second thoughts, I debated if I wanted this baby or not. So she left me, I didn't want her enough clearly but Lando did. He wanted her so badly and it was my fault I lost her, I had damaged my body in so many ways over the years.

I didn't eat enough for years, no one she didn't survive. It was me that caused this.

Lando wouldn't leave me alone, he refused as he knew I would breakdown. No one would leave me alone, I had the worst few days of my life. I had never felt so rough as the miscarriage came to the end.

It was really over.

I sat on the couch as I stared into space, I knew Lando was in the kitchen. He would be making me food; all he had done was make dinner and other food for the past four days now. I hadn't eaten more than one mouthful of each dinner.

I also knew I had to be strong or at least pretend to be. Lan would have to go back to work soon enough, the car reveal was a few weeks away. I knew that he wouldn't want to leave my side if I hadn't shown him I was good.

"Here you go" He places some chicken and rice in front of me.

I guess it was time to start the show.

"Thanks baby" I tell him, it was kind of the most words I have said to him in a few days.

We hadn't spoken, more so because we didn't know how to talk to one another. I didn't know how to speak to a man I knew I had let down, I knew I had broken him as a person.

"Lan?" I speak as I lean my head on the back of the sofa cushion, he looks at me with pain in his eyes.

I knew he had been hiding his crying from me, I heard him breakdown in the shower. I needed him to share his pain, he needed to tell me what was going on. I knew I hadn't been the most open but I just was scared.

I know how hypocritical I sound but it was hard to express myself to him when I knew he was hiding from me.

"Yes angel" He speaks to me, I watch as his eyes look into mine.

I wanted to be there for him, I wanted him to know that I was okay even if it wasn't true.

"Can we talk about it?" I ask, I finally felt okay and ready to talk about the loss we had faced. The loss we suffered together, yet we didn't say a word to one another. We just lived with each other and pretended like everything was normal when it couldn't be far from it.

"If you're ready" He nods as he gulps down, I could tell he was nervous. I knew this was as scary for him as it was for me, but I also knew he thought he had to keep a facade on.

"I'm so sorry I lost her" I speak, before I could even speak the tears started. I couldn't help but feel responsible for the loss, after all I was the place where she was supposed to grow safely and I lost her.

Right away Lando pulls my body close to his as my head lays on his chest. His hand rubbed my hair as he held me close to him.

"It's not your fault, please don't think it's your fault at all. These things happen and I don't for a second blame you, I don't understand why we lost her and I never will but what I do know is it sure as hell isn't your fault" He tells me, for the first time all week I truly believe that this perhaps wasn't my fault.

"I've heard you breakdown, why won't you tell me when you're sad?" I ask him as I sniffle from the tears.

"I don't want you to feel like this is your fault baby" He tells me, I knew deep down he knew I would blame myself.

I mean it was my body the failed at one of the only things it was supposed to be able to do. I didn't hold onto the baby he gave me, I lost her.

"You don't blame me?"

"Not for a second"

I look up at him and for the first time in a week I wanted to kiss him. We hadn't kissed or touched all week, I think it came from a place of fear. I was scared to be intimate with him again, I was scared that history would repeat itself.

"Can I kiss you?" I ask him, he nods slowly as I lean up and for the first time in a week I felt his lips against mine.

It felt good to have him back, the kiss didn't last long but it was enough to make me feel the love I had felt was missing before.

"Meg?" Lando speaks as I look into his eyes. "I love you" He tells me.

"I love you" I speak back to him as I look deep into his eyes. "Do you think we will have a baby Lando?" I ask without even thinking about the words and the weight they held.

He moves his body so he is now looking deep into my eyes. His hands cup my cheeks as he looks at me with a look of pride behind his eyes, the usual hurt that had laid behind there for the past week looked as if it had gone in some way shape or form.

Lando leans down and presses his lips to my forehead for a second.

"We will have baby, no matter how it happens we will have a baby. I promise you that we will have a family, I know you'll be the best mother ever and I would have baby with you whenever you are ready to have one" He tells me.

I wasn't over this, I would never be over it I would just learn to live with it. I will always be a mother to Aurora even if I never saw her face.

I knew she had Landos nose and curly hair, I knew she had my eyes and lips. She was the perfect mix of the two of us, he was all I wanted and I would give him a baby.

We would have our family soon enough.

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HAPPY WEDNESDAY!

Lots of love
Zoe xoxo