I won't drag this out, but I love each and every one of you so much. Thank you all for your prayers, love, and support for me and my family during this time. We still have some ways to go, but we're going to be okay. Time and love will heal everything, so let's start healing. And let me start fixing what I messed up.
And a special shout out to @JJ4L1814 and @-nadii...This chapter is possible because of you two. ❤️
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Peyton
I know you do.
Those were not the four words that I was expecting to hear from my girlfriend when I told her "I love you" two nights ago. I knew that she was upset, but just couldn't understand why she was upset with me. I mean, yeah. She did say several times that she could handle it. But to be fair, I told her a long time ago, after Joseph's funeral, that if she popped up again, called, or tried to contact her, I got to beat her ass. And it seemed to me, now, that she got a couple more of those beatings coming.
But the fight was no longer my point of discontent. Why would she say that back to me? Did she really not love me anymore? Over a fight that wasn't even between us? Did she want to throw it all away because of that? She couldn't, right? What if I completely just fucked this up? Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut when she asked? What if -"
"You're spiraling."
Brit pulled me out of my thoughts as I was driving her to the airport. I had been quiet all morning - more so now because I didn't see or speak to Janet before she left for New York.
"What?" I frowned and responded.
"You've probably asked 500 questions to yourself. All the what ifs and whatnot. My question is why didn't you pick up when she called?"
I shook my head. "Naw, the main question is why didn't she tell me that she loved me back."
"But you know she loves you. And now you're scared that you may have pushed her away because of how you reacted. Twice. The first time was fight night, the second time was when you didn't answer her call."
I shot my friend a look because I didn't like where she was going with this.
"And don't side eye me like that, because you know I'm right. I didn't say that you reacted badly or anything. I honestly think that old girl deserved and still deserves to get her ass beat for what she did."
"Oh, now, that is a fact."
"But can you answer my question though? Why didn't you answer when Janet tried to call you?"
I let out a sigh as a small indication that I didn't really have a great answer for that question.
"I don't know, B. I guess pride wouldn't let me answer. I didn't think that I did anything wrong, at that moment, that would result in her telling me to go home, and not telling me that she loved me."
"I get that, friend. I can't speak on why she didn't say it back. That's for her to explain. But as for her needing space, do you see it now?"
In all honesty, I didn't see it that night; I was too deep in my feelings. But, now with the time given, I could see how this potential fight would have impacted her, personally and professionally. If anything had gotten leaked, it could've caused a media firestorm. Personally, I don't doubt for a second that Wissam would use that against her since he already has a problem with our relationship, allegedly where Eissa is concerned. The repercussions were endless, and I was glad that nothing escalated further than it did, or to the point where I for sure was about to take it. I guess I owed her that time.
