Direct Message - A.I 5SOS

Chapter Forty Seven

Chapter Forty Seven

The boys sang Amnesia while I played the guitar and let's just say, I cried a little bit. It was extremely embarrassing but Ashton understood. He told the boys he would ring back soon before ending the Skype. Then he pulled me into a hug and that's how we end up where we are now.

"You're okay baby girl. You're okay," he mumbles against my hair. I bury my face into his shirt, wrapping my arms around his waist. 

"I'm sorry, this is so embarrassing," I mumble against his shirt.

"No it's not baby girl. You're allowed to cry. You're allowed to cry whenever you want."

"But I feel like that's all I ever do Ash. All I ever do is cry anymore. It's either on my own or when I'm around you, and it's embarrassing."

"How is showing how tough you are embarrassing? When you cry, you are showing the world how tough you have been. How strong you are.," he says, his voice quiet but firm.

"That makes no sense Ash. You can't be tough when you are crying. Crying is for the weak, not the strong," I mutter, confused, as I look up at him.

""No, listen to me Milly. Crying is everyone's way of telling the world that they have been through so much and now they need help. They have been through so much and now they need a way of getting rid of emotions to let in new ones. It's your way of telling everyone that you have been through so much on your own and it's broken you."

"It has broken me."

"So it's okay to cry. It's okay to cry if you are broken. It's okay to cry if you're hurt. It's okay to cry baby girl," he says while wiping away the tears that are on my cheeks.

I smile a small smile up at Ash as his hazel eyes look down into my own. His warm hands are still on my cheeks, tracing small circles on my skin. Ash leans forward until the tips of our noses are just touching before he starts to rub his nose against mine.

My smile grows even bigger at his cute little gesture. I've always want to have a boy give me an Eskimo kiss and now I'm super happy. After he stops, he leans his forehead against my own, his warm breath blowing slightly over my face.

"I love seeing you smile baby girl," he whispers so quietly I only hear him because he is so close to me.

And I love smiling because of you, I mumble in my head. It's all Ashton. The only reason that smile has been able to make its way back onto my lips is because of Ashton. Without him, I would probably be sitting in here crying, or worse. If you know what I mean.

"I'm so glad you came Ash. I'm so glad that you just turned up on my doorstep and pulled me into your arms. I'm glad that you just let me cry on your shoulder while you just held me. You've changed me Ash. In one day, you've made me smile more than I have in months and for that I will be eternally grateful."

As I say my little speech, I watch as Ashtons' eyes gloss over, tears threatening to spill over his waterline. But he keeps them in. He holds the tears back as I continue to speak, showing me just how strong he is.

"It's okay to cry Ash. It shows how strong you are," I mumble as I reach up and brush the hair out of his eyes.

And that's all it takes for his tear to take over. They roll quickly and silently down his cheeks as he stares at me. My fingers instantly find their way to his cheeks where I gently wipe away his tears. His lips curve up into a smile before he wraps his arms around me in a hug, pulling me tightly against his chest.

I wrap my arms around his neck, holding on to him as if my life depends on him. As if I'm scared he will disappear. But I am. I am scared that this is all just a dream or that when he leaves, whenever that is, that he will forget about me. And after seeing everything he has already helped me with, I wouldn't be able to live without him. That's how much he already means to me.