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Chapter Eighty Five

Chapter Eighty Five

"Good job Milly. We were having a nice breakfast until you came in and caused Ashton to get upset, me to get mad and poor Liam over there to look like he wants to jump of the balcony," Niall laughs dryly before standing up and heading down to his room as well.

I feel the tears well up in my eyes but I try my hardest not to let them fall. I have to be strong. I have to do this on my own. Niall is wrong about me. It's not completely my fault. I may have a small input in all of these situations but it's not one hundred percent my fault. He can't just blame me for what happened between us. 

"I'm sorry Mil. I just don't want this to be awkward between us," Liam sighs as he gets up, grabs some things off the kitchen bench and walks over to elevator.

Ever since the boys joined us on tour, we've been staying in the penthouse suits and they are freaking amazing. They're huge and spacious. Just sometimes, when I feel lonely and like the walls are closing around me, it's worse because it's so big. Honestly though, that's a small price to pay for staying in this huge place with all of my boys around me.

"Mil, don't listen to Niall, he's just being a jerk. I'm not sure why he's been so mad lately," Harry smiles at me as he pats the empty seat next to him.

I limp over to him and take a seat before resting my head on his shoulder, "I do. He's just mad because he thought I was forgiving Ashton a day after he yelled at me. I wasn't, I was just asking about him because obviously I care about him."

I'm not hiding my feelings for him anymore. Okay, that's another lie. I'm not telling Ashton because that would be awkward. But I'm not hiding it from the rest of the boys. We need to be more open with each other. We need to share things so a repeat of what happened between Ashton and I doesn't happen again, because I'll admit it.

It was my fault that Ashton was pushed over the edge.

It was my fault that Ashton yelled at me.

If i had just talked to him, maybe he wouldn't have said what he did and we'd be fine. I would be falling asleep next to him at night. I would be laughing and joking with him as we wait backstage for their concert to start. I wouldn't be fighting with Niall and Liam might not have kissed me. Just like everything else, it's my fault. I may be contradicting what I was thinking before but honestly, this is how I feel when I let my defenses down. 

"We know you do Mil. Now, completely different topic, why the sudden change in pant lengths?" Louis laughs.

"Mikey told me something very inspirational and I guess I took it into account."

Louis' eyes flick over to Michael, a smirk on his face, "What did you tell her dude?"

"To be her own crutch," he mumbles under his breath, embarrassed that he was being all deep and knowledgeable yesterday.

He shouldn't be though. He could change a lot of people's lives if he gave speeches like that all the time. If he would just open up to the world about how much he seems to know, lives could be changed for the better.  

"What?"

"Look Lou," I sigh, cause him to look at me and Michael to let out a sigh of relief, "He just told me something that opened everything up to me. Who knows how long this is going to last but he did help me. Let's just keep it at that."

"Fine," he huffs, disappointed that he couldn't get the details, " Anyway, I think we should do something today. I'm sick of being bored."

Doing something means going out there with all those fans and I don't think I can deal with that at the moment. Especially considering the fan base will be doubled due to the band get together they've been having since the tour started. If we all went out and did something, there would be double the girls and double the screaming. Not in the mood if I'm being honest.

"Yeah, no thanks Lou. Not in the mood to be tackled again," I laugh and I see the boys wince when I say that, "How about we watch movies or play video games or something?"

Honestly though, I'd rather sit here with my boys and play video games or watch some movies. Spending time with them away from the media and the fans makes everything ten times better. It almost makes me forget about everything that is really going on in my life. It almost makes me forget that everything that was once perfect is falling to pieces.

"How about we jam out? Do something completely out of the ordinary?" Luke exclaims, standing up from his seat in excitement. 

"Actually, that's not a bad idea. It would help us all bond. Maybe it would even help Ash-"

"Luke, Michael that sounds like an awesome idea," Calum yells over the top of Michael, cutting him off.

Odd, sounded like Michael was going to talk about Ashton but Calum...Oh I get it. They probably just didn't want to bring him up because they know how upset I am about him. This is why these boys mean so much to me. Even when they're best friend is being a douche, they don't run straight to him. They may check up on him but they don't treat him as if he did nothing wrong.

That means so much to me because no one would ever have stood up for me that way.

When I look up, I notice that Louis is gone and that's when I hear the yelling from down the hall. Oh god, this can't be good at all. Louis has either gone to see Niall or Ashton and from the sound of that thick Irish accent that I can hear floating down the hall, I know it's Niall.

"You need to go and make up with her Niall! She did nothing wrong!" Louis yells, his voice frustrated.

"No, I refuse. I'm done with her. She keeps letting people walk over her and I'm so done with picking up the pieces for her. When she gets over herself and realises she can be stronger than she is, she can come find me. Until then, I'm leaving!"

No. 

No, please not again.

I can't have my life fall apart all over again.

I...Uhhhh....yeah.

I'm sorry guys. 

I'm sorry Milly.

Niall, you douche, what is wrong with you? Why can't we hear that gorgeous laugh of yours instead of listening to you being an A-hole? Hmmmmmmm?

Yeah, so guys, we're leading up to the end and everything just seems to be spiraling down doesn't it?

GUYS!!! DID YOU HEAR ED SHEERAN'S NEW SONGS YESTERDAY??? OMG I JUST CAN'T DEAL! I CAN'T BREATHE!! THEY'RE SOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOO GOOD AND JUST BEAUTIFUL. 

My favourite of the two is Castle On The Hill. 

Also, if you have Facebook, don't forget to go on over and like my page...

https://www.facebook.com/TannaJAuthor

Once I know a few more people see the posts, I'll start posting on it regularly.

QOTC: If you've listened to the two Ed Sheeran songs, which is your favourite?

ILSYM!

SWAG ON!

~ TJ xoxoxoxo