Direct Message - A.I 5SOS

Chapter Fifty Six

Chapter Fifty Six

"Milly! What did the physio say!" Niall asks me as soon as I get on Skype.

"Well, he said-"

"Hurry up we haven't got all day," Lou sighs dramatically, cutting me off.

"He said it was fine to take off. So now I have no knee brace. But I need to learn to walk again which he said requires a physio but I told him I was going on tour with these guys and yeah, that didn't go down to well."

"We'll get you a physio when we're on the road, don't you worry Milly," Calum says to me.

I smile at the camera. I really don't want these boys interfering with this. It's going to be hard enough as it is but with these boys looking over my shoulder it's going to be worse. They are going to be constantly worrying about me and my knee. Whenever I'm in pain there is going to be some type of over dramatic action from one of the boys.

"What's wrong now Mil?" Harry asks quietly.

I snap out of my trance and look back at the screen,"What?"

"What's wrong now Mil? You looked really sad or like you were in pain."

"Nothing's wrong. Why would you think that? I'm perfectly fine."

"You know what,I'm just going to drop this because I know it will end up with you upset or crying so, yeah," Harry sighs.

"Doesn't everything end up with me upset or crying these days?"

"That's not true!"

But it is. It is true. Almost everything we talk about ends up with me in tears.My knee. My dancing. How I hurt my knee in the first place. My family. The tour. Having a physio. Literally everything. So they can't say it isn't true because it sure as hell is.

"Yeah it is. Please don't even try to deny it because we all know it's true."

"Alright guys. I'm going to talk to Milly. We'll see you guys tomorrow," Ash says before hanging up the call. 

He shuts the lid on the computer before turning to me on the couch. He grabs my hand in his before looking me straight in the eye. I quickly look away. I don't want to look into his eyes. They make me feel this weird feeling in my stomach.

"Milly, baby girl, please tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong," I mumble while looking at the ground.

"There must be something wrong because you are mumbling and looking at the ground. You also got really quiet before."

"Ash, there is nothing wrong," I lie, "Even if there was, I don't have to tell you everything!"

I look up at Ash who looks a bit taken back by the tone of my voice, "Oh. Okay then. That's fine."

I watch as Ash stands up and walks up the hall before I hear a door slam, probably the kitchen. I put my head in my hands. I did not mean to snap at him. It's just, sometimes he treats me as if I'm a fragile piece of glass. Whenever there is a chance of me cracking, chipping even, he steps in to protect me. And I'm not going to lie, sometimes it drives me a little bit insane. 

I quickly grab my guitar from next to my bed before I start picking at the strings, tears rolling down my cheeks. I feel terrible. I should have been careful about how I was talking to him. I was just annoyed and upset. Annoyed that they all knew something was wrong and upset that they all knew something was wrong. It might not make sense but to me it does.

I start to strum a song for a little while before finally deciding to sing, the part of the song matching how I feel.

 Just a girl who turned eighteen
She ran away to chase her dreams.
And they said she wouldn't make it far.
She took a chance and packed her bags
She left town and didn't look back
So tired of wishing on the stars 

La la la, la la la da da
La la la, la la la da da

So save me from who I'm supposed to be
Don't wanna be a victim of authority
I'll always be a part of the minority
Save me from who I'm supposed to be
So tell me, tell me, tell me what you want from me,
I don't wanna be another social casualty  

Saying 'save me' won't really help. I've already drowned. I can't be saved. And as much as I want to scream out for someone to help, they won't hear me. This song really describes my life right now. I want someone to save me from who I'm supposed to be. Because am I really supposed to be this?

Am I really supposed to be the broken depressed girl who is going on tour with a band because she has no one else who cares for her? 

You would think that my family would care more because of what's happened but I think it's only made them care less about me. But what confuses me is why...actually it doesn't confuse me anymore. The only reason that bought me this apartment is because they wanted me out of the house.

It all makes sense now. The extravagant graduation present. It was all because they hate me and wanted me out of the house so they didn't have to be around me anymore.

I break into a fresh set of tears, these ones heavier then before. I hear my guitar fall on the floor as I fall in a heap next to it, sobbing into my arms. My whole body is racked with sobs as I think about how much I hate me life.

I hate this.

I hate this life.

I don't want this anymore.

I don't want to be here.

No one cares about me anymore.

No one even wants me here anyway.

"No Milly. No baby girl. Don't say that. You don't hate it. Not really. And I care about you. I want you here. So please, please, never ever think that again," Ash whispers in my ear as he wraps his arms around my shaking body.

.................................

*Hides under a rock*

I give you permission to throw tomatoes and other vegetables at me if you wish.

I am such a terrible author. I get on here and see all these nice comments and people wanting me to update but for some reason I don't. And I am so sorry.

I think it was because there was a little bit of writers block that I didn't update. I remember hoping on here two weeks ago maybe and I started updating but I couldn't finish it. I didn't know what to write and I felt so bad for leaving you all here and I'm really sorry can you forgive me??

So today is the 1st of January 2016 and I think I am going to celebrate by starting up my other books. 

Do you think that is a good idea guys? 

I'm not really sure if I should or not but if most of you say yes then I will start up again.

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!

ILYSM!

SWAG ON!

~ TJ xoxoxoxo