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Chapter Seventy Nine

Chapter Seventy Nine

*Ashton's P.O.V*

I hate myself.

I hate myself so freaking much for saying those words to her.

I know she's hurting. I know that the medicine she's taking is doing this to her. I know she wants to talk to me and be around me. I know she doesn't want to feel the way she is right now but that didn't stop me. I still yelled at her. I still said those words that broke my heart and probably shattered hers into thousands of pieces. I still told her to get over herself.

I still told her to stay away from me.

I'm such an idiot.

"Ashton? Dude are you okay?"

I close my eyes at the voice, more tears rolling down my cheeks as I sob quietly to myself. Am I okay? Of course I'm not okay. I just told the girl I'm in love with to get over herself and to stay away from me. I caused this heartache I'm feeling right now and I caused her to feel worse than she already is. Despite my words, I know it's not her fault. I know she doesn't want to do this us.

I know this because I've been there.

And yet, that didn't help me. Despite knowing exactly how she's feeling without her voicing it, I know exactly what is going inside her head, and I still yelled at her. I was upset that I wasn't hearing her sweet voice or her beautiful laugh. I was upset that I couldn't see her beautiful grey-green eyes shining brightly. And I took those feelings out on her.

That is the worst thing I've ever done in my life and I will regret it until the day I die.

Watching as her gorgeous eyes dimmed even more and filled with tears when she heard my words made the guilt rise up inside me. Watching a single tear trickle down her cheek as she stared at me for a few moments before I walked out the door caused my heart to shatter onto the floor and the guilt to wrap itself around my spine,lungs and heart. And as the memory of that moment continues to replay inside my mind, the guilt squeezes tighter and tighter until I can barely breathe and my the broken pieces of my heart are stabbing into my chest.

"I heard what you said to Milly," Liam says quietly as he sits on the ground next to me, the cold air of Melbourne embracing us, "I think all of us did. Niall's in there with her now, trying to stop her sobbing. He's very protective of her you know? He'll hold a grudge against you for a while."

"And she'll hate me forever," I sigh weakly, while wiping my face free of any tears even though it's useless because they continue to fall from my eyes.

"No she won't," he laughs bitterly, "Sure, she probably won't want to go near you for a little while but she'll forgive you. Just give her some time, go apologise and then everything will be alright."

I shake my head at him, my own bitter laugh escaping my lips, "If only it were that easy. Did you hear what I said to her? It was horrible. I know how she feels about her depression and yet, I still told her to get over it. I also told her to get over herself. Add in the fact that I told her to stay away from me until she does and she's never going to come near me again."

"Yeah, like I said, we all heard. We were pretty shocked to hear those words come out of your mouth but the way I see it is that it was bound to happen. I know you care about her deeply but with everything going on, you were bound to explode at some point and it just happened to be aimed at Milly with a few words that should not have been said."

He really isn't helping me right now. The fact that all the boys heard what I said means that I'm going to probably get bashed up by a few of them later, even if I beg for forgiveness. I suppose the only person I have to beg to for forgiveness is Milly. Even if she ever forgives me, it won't make up for the words I said to her. They were truly awful and should never have left my mouth.

I should never have thought them in the first place.

"I just...I don't know how I said that to her. I know what it feels like to be where she is right now and yet I still blew up and yelled at her," I whisper before looking over at Liam, only to find him already looking at me, "I know this is going to sound stupid but after I said those things to her, I watched as the tiny little spark that was left in her eyes just fizzled out. I don't think there is anything I can do to help her reignite that spark."

Liam lets out a laugh before looking out over the balcony and towards the busy streets below us, "You're so oblivious aren't you? You have no idea at all."

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, his words echoing around in my head as I stutter over my words, "I...I don't understand what you mean."

He shakes his head with another laugh, before standing up and walking over to the railing, leaning on it and closing his eyes, "Like I said, you're oblivious and so is she. You mean the world to her Ashton. It's amazing to watch you two together. You are just made for each other and I know, despite what you think, that in time, if you tried hard enough, you could help her reignite that flame inside of her."

As I continue to stare at Liam's back, his words replay over and over in my head, his tone of voice opening my mind up to something I never saw coming. I didn't expect this to happen and it makes me wonder if Liam did either. It was unexpected and I doubt anyone else but Liam knows about it.

"Do you...I mean..." I trail off, unsure of how to finish my question.

I watch as he turns to me, his usual brown eyes full of sadness, "Yeah Ash, I do have feelings for Milly but you know what? I know that you will be better for her than I would. Besides, she loves you already so I don't have a chance."

OH MY F***ING GOD.........

o_0 0_0 0_o

That was just a roller coaster of emotions but I feel like as it neared the end, it just kept going up and up and suddenly I plummeted off the edge and died. 

Poor Li Li :( ):

I don't like seeing poor Liam so heartbroken.

How are your feels at the moment guys? Are your hearts broken? Are you dying?

Cause I'm already dead after writing that chapter. I died of a broken heart :(

This is going to sound super stupid but I realised this the other day and my friend pointed something out to me today. So my ex bf that I broke up with about a month ago or something cause he's a douche and doesn't care about anyone but himself (in the last three weeks of our relationship, he ignored me, didn't talk to me in person and we just kept fighting all because people think he was guilty that he cheated on me) talks more to me now then he did when we were in a relationship and he also still kinda flirts with me.

Like no. Get your dirty f*** boy ways away from me and go back to your new gf. Like seriously, we broke up and two weeks later I found out he had a girl friend -_- 

Not cool.

QOTC: What's the worst break up you've had and why did it happen?

So guys, he was my first boy friend so that was the worst one I've had and I've explained it to you already so yeah -_-

Meh, I'm over him anyway so it doesn't matter.

ILYSM!

SWAG ON!

~ TJ xoxoxoxo