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Chapter Seventy Four

Chapter Seventy Four

*Ashton's P.O.V*

This can't be happening. This has to be some kind of sick dream. This has to be the worst kind of dream and I'm hoping that very soon I'll wake up. But I know that I won't wake up because this is real. The pain in my chest, the tears on my cheeks, the inability to think, it's all real and it's slowly killing me. And the fact that we haven't been allowed to go in an see her even though it's already been two hours is only adding to the panic and fear coursing through my veins. 

The boys and I haven't spoken a single word since we got to this hospital waiting room. We haven't had a single breath of words pass by our lips and we intend to keep it that way until we find out if she's okay. It's slowly tearing us apart from the inside out and it's only then that we can all see how much of a hold Milly has over us all. I never realised how much the boys cared for her, despite not knowing that much about her, but I can clearly see that she has them wrapped around her little finger without even realising it.

I hear Louis curse almost silently to himself, breaking the barrier of silence surrounding the pristine white waiting room, "Why would she do this to herself? I don't understand. I mean, I understand but I don't."

I look up to see Louis running his hands through his messy hair and it's then that I notice how terrible Niall looks. He's taking this a hell of a lot worse than me and I don't really know why. I know he cares about her a hell of a lot and I understand that, but looking at him now makes me think that maybe there is something else he knows. His hollow eyes hold no spark when usually they are filled with a light so bright and his face is as pale as ever.

"Niall, what's wrong?" I ask quietly, my voice harsh from the misuse and constant crying. He looks up at me and I see a new wave of tears well up in his eyes as he mumbles something incoherently that no one can understand, "Niall, come on."

We all watch as he takes a deep breath and runs his hands over his face in preparation for what he's about to say, "This...I don't know how to say it. It's not my story to tell but it's tearing me apart just thinking about it. Look, Ash, you probably don't want to hear this but this isn't the first time this has happened."

I feel my heart stop as he words reach my ears and replay around and around in my head. I don't want to believe what he's saying but I know that Niall wouldn't lie about something like this. There is no way on earth that any of the boys would lie about this kind of thing, especially at a time like this when we're all sitting in a hospital waiting room wondering if the girl we all love in one way or another will be okay. But knowing that doesn't stop me from hoping that he is lying. To think that while I wan't there, answering her texts, she was trying to...I can't live with myself.

"What do you mean?" I stutter out as my hands begin shaking again.

"A while ago, when she went back to school, a few days after going back, she tried to commit suicide," he gulps out as a few tears fall from his eyes, "She messaged me saying goodbye and when I saw it I instantly replied, I was worried sick. She told me what she did and I made her ring the ambulance and thank god she did. Later on, when she was back in the hospital she told me that she was about to say goodbye to you when I messaged her."

I shake my head in denial, my brain not fully comprehending or believing his words, "I don't believe you mate. This is something you can joke about."

"Why the hell would I joke about this Ashton?" Niall yells as he stands up from the uncomfortable waiting room chair and starts pacing back and forth, "I wouldn't joke about something like this. This isn't something you joke about, let alone now. And you know what, I would have told you earlier but she made me promise not to tell you!"

I feel my red and puffy eyes widen in shock and the tears fall down my already tear stained cheeks, "She what?"

"She begged me to not tell you about it. She didn't want to hurt you Ashton. She didn't want you to find out because she knew it would hurt you so she made me promise not to tell you," he sobs as he falls onto the linoleum floor.

But I can't even comprehend or focus on how Niall must be feeling right now. All I can focus on is the extreme pain in my chest as I think about his words. She tried to kill herself months ago, something I could have prevented if I had just messaged her back instead of worrying about if she would reply or not. If I had just said something, anything at all, I could have prevented it. i could have helped her through it. I could have helped her through the tough times and she wouldn't have attempted to do it the first time.

Except, if that was true, she wouldn't have attempted to kill herself today. If I could have prevented her attempt the first time it happened, doesn't that mean I should have been able to prevent it this time? But she still did it, even though I was here. She did it even though Niall, Louis, Harry, Liam, Calum, Michael, Luke and myself were here. So I can't tell if I should be blaming myself for her first attempt, both attempts or none at all.

"Excuse me? Are you all here for Milly Fisher?"

My head snaps up to see a doctor standing there with a clipboard in his hand, "Yes we are."

"Well I just wanted to tell you that she's okay and you can go an see her now. Just be warned, she's unconscious at the moment because we thought it was best to put her to sleep for a while."

Awwww poor Milly :( 

EWWWWW GUYS I HAVE SCHOOL NOW! I DON'T WANNA GO TO SCHOOL!!!!!!!!

I really really really hate school guys, like more than the average teenager...

And now starts year 12! OMG

I've gotta keep this quick anyway cause i'm heading off now!

Wish me luck nerds!!

QOTC: Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly??

ILYSM!

SWAG ON!

~ TJ xoxoxoxo