Direct Message - A.I 5SOS

Chapter Sixty Seven

Chapter Sixty Seven

*Ashton's P.O.V*

"The fans are going to rip her apart. Why did I invite her?" I mumble while looking down at Milly who is asleep in my lap.

"You invited her because she's happier and safer here with you than being at home on her own," Michael says to me.

I shake my head as I slowly run my fingers through her soft hair, "I don't think you're right this time Mikey. I really don't. And that's what worries me."

"Why are you worried that she will be ripped apart by these fans Ash? She's strong and we all know that. She'll get through this. So why are you so worried?"

Why am I so worried? Easy. Because I know what some fans are capable of and I know what she's been through and I know that some of the things they would say would trigger those memories that she tries so hard to forget. And what would happen if they found out the back story behind her knee and used that against her? I know I said I would stand by her side forever but if that happened, she would push me away even more then she already does.

She has walls, walls that are as strong as Captain America's shield and as high as the tallest mountain. And although I have managed to dig small holes and make small dents in her defenses, I know I haven't really even managed to scrape the surface of the secrets she's been holding inside. 

I'll wait and while I wait I'll keep trying to break down those walls, brick by brick, but some days I wish she would just let them slip. Even just a little bit because I want her to learn that she can trust me with anything. She can't continue to keep it all bottled up inside because that is dangerous.

"Because the fans are relentless. They will find out anything they can and use it against her and if they found out about her knee and...I would never forgive myself if anything happened to her because I was stupid enough to invite her along."

"Mate," Luke laughs, "You're over reacting about this. Were you there when she told us what the fans said to her? Were you there when she laughed at what they were saying? Were you there when she got back up, brushed off their words and continued walking? You were. You were right there next to her. So don't tell us that she can't handle it because we know she can. It's you who can't."

"Because I can't see her hurt anymore. Every time she cries, every time she looks off into space lost in thought, every time she tosses and turns and can't get to sleep, it breaks my heart and tears me apart because I know that I can't help her. I can try but unless she lets me in, it's useless."

"It's not useless Ash," Calum sighs before standing up and grabbing a bottle of water from the mini fridge, "It's not useless because it shows to her that you care. By trying to get her to trust you, by trying to help her be happy again, you're showing to her that you care about her feelings and her emotions. So it's not useless. Especially when you feel so alone in this cruel world, you need someone to show to you that they care."

When did Calum get so deep?

I'm joking. But seriously.

The worst thing is though, I know exactly what he means. When you're stuck in this cruel world and you feel alone, useless, worthless and like the whole world is against you, all you want is for someone to care. You wish that someone would walk up and hug you tight while you cry on their shoulder. You wish that someone would take you away from the crowds, sit you down, hold your hand and ask if  you're okay. You wish someone could just be there.

And there is no way on earth that I am letting Milly ever wish that because she won't have to wish it. I will be there. I will hold her when she cries. I'll ask her if she's okay. I'll help her escape from her reality. And if she tells me that she's fine, I'm going to look her in the eye and tell her to stop lying to me. I am not going to let her sit there and wish that someone in this world would care about her.