Direct Message - A.I 5SOS

Chapter Fifty Five

Chapter Fifty Five

After packing literally my whole closet into two suitcases, Ash and I finally finish. We are now cuddling on my bed while double Skyping with Ash's band and Niall and the boys. We have been on Skype with them the whole time we were packing which was probably a good thing because I know that if I wasn't talking to Ash and the boys I would have given up two minutes after I started.

"So Milly, when do you get that brace off your knee?" Harry asks while looking down at a sheet of paper in his lap.

"I, um... I'm going back to the physio tomorrow and hopefully they'll tell me that I can take it off," I mumble as I look up at Ash. He send me a reassuring squeeze, telling me it's okay.

"It'll be okay Milly. I'm sure that it will be fine," Niall says to me.

"Yeah...fine," I sigh.

After I say that, we all lapse into silence. Me mostly trying to fight off tears, but I think the boys are either thinking or giving me space. That's probably a good thing though because I can tell you now, if we talked about this any longer, I would probably be in tears right now.

"Hey Milly?" I hear Michael ask hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

"Um, actually never mind. It doesn't matter."

"Mike, you can ask me anything. What did you want to ask me?"  I say while looking at the camera.

"Oh. Well, I was wondering how you hurt your knee in the first place."

All the air in my lungs is suddenly gone. I can barely breathe. I knew that someone was going to ask me the question sooner or later. I just wasn't prepared for that now.

"Mike, don't go there. Please don't go there," Ash says quietly.

"No it's fine. I knew someone was going to ask it sooner or later."

"No Milly. See this is why I didn't want to ask you. I knew it would upset you. I'm sorry," Mike stutters.

I let out a frustrated sigh, "I'm not upset. I'm fine.

"Baby girl, you're not fine. I know this is a touchy subject for you," Ash mumbles against my hair.

I push Ash away from me, swinging my legs carefully off the side of the bed, "Pirouettes on pointe."

There is a really long silence and I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised at all that the boys have no idea what I'm talking about. It's not like they dance or speak some sort of French so when I hear someone speak, I'm not surprised, "What?"

"I was, I was doing pirouettes on pointe. I fell off mid turn and broke me knee. That's how I did it," I stumble out before the tears are finally too much. 

I remember it as if it was yesterday. I remember putting on my pointe shoes on my feet. I remember putting my hair in this perfect ballet bun. I remember standing at the barre and working my feet into my shoes before going to the corner to start my routine. But most of all I remember the turns.

I remember doing my preparation. I remember taking a deep breath and telling myself that I can do this. I remember pushing off. I remember getting around two times. But most of all I remember the third turn. 

I remember losing my balance. I remember starting to fall off the block of my shoe. I remember falling. I remember it happening so quickly that I didn't have time to put my arms out or put my foot down. I remember the excruciating pain that shot through my knee as I landed on it. I remember the loud crack that echoed through the room when I landed.

"Milly?"

I snap my head up to look at the screen. All the boys are looking at me with tears in their eyes which makes it a million times worse. Seeing them upset because I'm upset is terrible. I don't want any of them to be sad. I know what it's like to be sad all the time and it sucks. 

"I'm sorry Milly. I shouldn't have asked you that question," Mike says quietly. 

"It's fine," I stutter through my tears.

"No it's not. You're sitting there crying because I was stupid enough to bring up something I knew would make you upset. I was even told by Ash not to bring it up but I did anyway and I'm sorry."

"No Michael. I knew one of you guys were going to ask it eventually. I knew that you guys deserved to know anyway so may as well have been now instead of later. I would have cried either way. So it's fine."

"I know I shouldn't ask this but how did you break your knee doing pirouettes on pointe?" Louis asks me quietly.

"It's fine, really Lou. I guess I should explain. I had to do a triple pirouette on pointe which is a turn on those shoes that you stand on your toes in. I did two of them perfectly but halfway through the third one I guess I lost my balance. I started wobbling on the block of my shoe and before I knew it, I was landing on my knee. The sound it made was terrible. It was the loudest sound. You shouldn't be able to hear a bone crack that loudly but we did. We all did."

"Did it hurt?"

"Like hell," I hiccup.

We all fall into silence again, me trying to calm myself down, the boys probably thinking about what I just told them. I'm not going to lie, it was definitely traumatic. I know that if I did get to dance again, I would would be terrified. I would be terrified of my pointe shoes. I would be terrified of pirouettes. But I would rather be terrified of those things then lose it like I did.

It hurts. It hurts like hell to lose something you love. It sends you into this state of mind where you don't want to believe anything. But after a while, you realise that it is real. You realise that everything that you have been through is real. And it hits you hard. It's like a knife through your heart.

"I really hope you boys never experience something like this. I never want you boys to go through the pain and the heartache that something like this can cause," I whisper.

Because heaven knows that if this ever happened to one of these boys, it would hurt me too. And I'm not sure how much more pain I can take.

Next chapter. I've been getting these updates up a bit better tbh and I'm glad. 

I actually talked about this ages ago and I never did it but I really think now is a good time to bring it up. 

How many of you are good at making trailers for books?

I really really want to make a good trailer for this book but I'm not sure how to do it. I mean, I will try but I also want to see what you guys can do. You don't have to be amazing, just give it a go. If you want to give it a go, just message me so I can give you some info for it.

Thank you to the guys who do try, it means a lot.

ILYSM!

SWAG ON!

~ TJ xoxoxoxo