F#cking Professor Rengoku - AU Rengoku x Reader +18

Chapter 63

Sanemi's POV: back to present

I wish things would have turned out differently. I wish I could have complete control over the situation...

I did have actually, for many years... Just like in the past when we were only kids, I could protect her. I could keep her out of harm's way.

I was certain that she will find out about everything eventually. Maybe it was my delusional way of thinking that she was not ready. There were many occassions when I promised myself that now's the time to tell her.

But I was a coward...

I was afraid of the consequences. In my mind, I always calculated with the worst outcome possible, which was losing her for good, not being able to watch over her anymore, or worse, seeing her dead if I make a mistake. I couldn't afford that to happen.

When I protected her from her best friend who turned into a demon, I thought that she's going to be so done with me and my shit. I thought she wouldn't understand. Maybe it was my fault too, because I kept her in the shadows all the damn time.

But eventually she understood... which made me glad. She didn't hate me.

Ubayashiki's words ring in my head every time I think about it... Being overprotective when it comes to her that is. Maybe I am... But sometimes...

You've got to do whatever it takes to protect the ones you love...

When you love someone, you do your best to protect them from pain... But what if I become the cause of her pain? No one ever taught me what to do if you end up hurting the person you desperately wanted to protect from harm.

What do I do now?

'I don't need your protection. I don't want you near me, I don't want to hear from you, I don't want you talk to me and I don't want to see you. Step the fuck out of my life Sanemi.'

Her voice was as cold as ice as she said that. I remember every single word as if it just happened right now... It etched it's way into my head. I've never heard her being so harsh, not to me, not to anyone else.

She was serious. And I knew it damn well she meant every word she said.

"FUCK!" I yelled as I swung my sword and cut a couple of training dummies in half inside my training room with a wave of wind out of rage. A kind of rage that keeps boiling up in me and never ends.

'I'm an adult! I can do whatever I want!'

She yelled in my face. I can remember all of it...

'And I am the one responsible for you!'
'No one asked you to do that! No one asked you to be my 'dad'!'

It kills... When you do so much for someone and in the end all you get is this, said straight into your face...

I don't get it...

You said I'm important to you. As a little girl you said you could never hate me, you said you can't picture yourself to be mad at me no matter what. You said all of that... Yet here you are hating me...

I know what I did wrong and if I could go back in time, I would do things differently. I know my mistakes now and how I should have done everything.

I'm truly sorry, sister... I never meant to hurt you... On the contrary. I always wanted the best for you, I always gave you everything I could, I always did my best to be the brother you need and deserve.

I'm sorry for not telling you the truth sooner. I'm sorry for disappointing you. I know an apology is not good enough for all the wrongs I have done to you. I need time to prove to you that I did everything for your sake, but please try to forgive me...