Persona 5 - The Jester's Point Of View

Scene 185

Seeing them standing right in front of him… Goro couldn’t believe it. He already thought that he had been hallucinating within the Palace, that the dizziness got to him terribly and that he was just playing this inside his head. However, when feeling their hand grab onto his arm it was more than obvious that this was anything but a hallucination, far from a dream. This was them, this was the real deal, the real Lukanja. They had actually shown up, once more when he least expected it. Their timing was something else at that point. He didn’t know to be either impressed or scold them for taking so long. It happened twice now so what if there is going to be a third time? They were good at driving him crazy, even if they didn’t realize it sometimes. 

All he could do was scratch his head when looking at them once having gone back into their world, even if they both were standing in front of Lukanja’s home outside, with them wearing their pajamas in the cold. Yet they seemed to be unbothered all the same. In fact, they were grinning again and then saying: “I’m happy to see that you’re alright Akechi–Kun!”

“Y… Yeah, thanks I guess…” It was all he could respond at first, not sure what to say or think at that point. So maybe he just asked ahead as a result. “Did you have some type of miracle recovery?”

“That? W… Well… It’d be a lie if I said that everything was fine…” They countered, their smile turning more sheepish at that point. “And that speech got me rather tired than anything. I feel a little drained.”

“Ah, I see now.” Yeah, maybe he was a bit too taken aback there as well. Yet he had to admit that it was still impressive for them to show up. And that's why he asked. He had to know, one way or another. “But… Why? I don't get it.”

Lukanja blinked for a moment, their gaze wandering around before meeting his again. “I admit, things recently made me doubt a lot.” They began, though it took a bit to get it out of their own mouth. “Sato–San’s self doubt by convicting Ishikawa, unable to help the Phantom Thieves and… Well… I failed you too at one point, didn't I?”

Goro couldn’t help but stay silent at that point. He wanted to say something because honestly? He felt that they were somewhat wrong, at least when it came to him. Them? Failing him? No, it should be the other way around. He was just as guilty after all. Maybe that’s why nothing wanted to come out. Because he was too ashamed to say anything. Not afraid, not even close. After all, he put his burden onto them as well and asked them for help. He had no right to lean on them as much as he did. And yet, even now they didn’t push him away. Deep down he was wondering though, or maybe hoping… That they wanted him around. Because if they didn’t shove him away now, even with the cat out of the bag, then they wouldn’t push him away in the future. 

Then again, even months ago they didn’t dispose of him so maybe– Ah no, he was assuming things now. And the past didn’t matter, did it? The moment mattered, at least between them. Though it wasn’t exactly unpleasant to think of it that way.

“I just felt useless. Everything I do is going wrong, that's what it feels like at least.” They continued shortly after, breaking the silence between them. Though then they also shook their head after claiming that, their expression turning into a more determined one as they continued their speech. “But staying inside my bed won't solve this either! I gotta step up for myself for once!”

“So… What you're saying is–”

“There’s only so much I can do.” They interrupted, not letting him finish. Yet he thought as much so  it wasn’t like he minded in the end. “But… If I wanna help those I care about, I gotta help myself first!”

Seeing them like this, he could sense a new resolve within them. And he noticed that now he was cracking a bit of a smile himself. “Finally I was getting sick of you acting like a crybaby.” He added. “Good to have you coming back to your senses.”

“Haha, my bad~” They at least didn’t seem to mind his comment, not really at least.

“So, what’s the plan then? Thought of anything?”

“Hmm… Well, nothing in detail. But I know one thing…”

“And that is?”

“I’ll change my heart! No matter what it takes!” They responded, gaze even more determined than ever before. This was probably the strongest display of resolve he had seen of them yet. “Though… I will probably need some help. So—”

“Say no more. Not like I have much of a choice anyways.”

“Y… You will!? Really!?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I will. You got it.”

“Ah– Th… Thanks! Really! Thank you so much Akechi–Kun!”

Yeah, he didn’t deserve to rely on them, he was certain about that. Yet even with that they allowed him to rely on them. But more importantly, they seemed to also rely on him. Not him as the Detective Prince nor as an assassin… No, they rely on him, Goro Akechi. No, it was more than that… Either way, whatever one would call that…

‘ This feels… Nice. ’