Persona 5 - The Jester's Point Of View

Scene 193

“Wh… Why? You… Didn't have to do this.” Their Shadow coughed. It didn’t look up towards Swan… No, Lukanja. Not even for a moment, at least not yet. Instead it was clutching onto its chest, the robe it wore nearly falling apart. It looked as if it was more sinking into it yet at the same time also out of it. All while its ‘hand’ was just trying to grasp its chest yet failing. 

As the black robe fell down it revealed more of the green skin. Yet not just that but also the marks on it. It wasn’t just scars on the body, no, but it looked as if it was about to break at any moment into tiny pieces. Not just that but also wounds showed themselves. Some old ones, the black liquid having run dry on those. Yet there were also fresh ones where this black substance was dripping down, probably onto the inside of the rope or onto the ground. And it didn’t stop pouring. All while it was hunched down, needing to try so hard to keep itself together. 

“I don't get it.” It continued, trying to catch its breath. Desperate gasps, as if clinging onto the last bits of life. Was it that? Because at the same time the breathing seemed to increase. It seemed to take some energy to look up regardless. “Are you still that naive? Haven't you learned anything?” Its voice trembled more and more with each word.

And honestly? They could feel the pain. Now that any type of adrenaline was starting to wear off they felt their body crumbling. The heart inside their chest was pounding once more, them nearly sweating. Honestly, they felt tired, exhausted. This was just annoying. Why wasn’t this easy? Why did it have to be so uncomfortable? Having to look down at technically themself, having just beaten themself to a pulp basically, exhausting themself. This was just pathetic, wasn’t it? 

And yet, they were also glad. As much as their body shook this was… Something. Yet they could finally have a word with themself, face to face. Perhaps even eye to eye. “I… don't know.” They admitted as they felt their body sinking to the ground, falling right onto their knees. All while not breaking eye contact with their very own Shadow. Not just that but the attire… It vanished. They were ripped from it all of a sudden. Yeah, it was necessary. They had to drop the act of Swan. They had to talk… As themself… As Lukanja.

“I could have made the wrong decision. Maybe I’m trusting the wrong people yet again.” They continued, the chuckle escaping overall weak. They didn’t know if they just had no energy left or something else made them speak up like that. “Maybe it was all a big mistake.”

The Shadow only eyed them, not saying a word. Their breathing stopped, at least their uncontrollable one. It became more even, though slowly. It wasn’t desperate gasping though, or at least it ceased being ever so desperate.

All while Lukanja was eyeing their own Shadow, their gaze moving up and down. Ah, what an ugly sight this was. And yet it also was… Fascinating. Maybe ugly wasn’t the right word. Yeah, that was wrong. It wasn’t ugly. No way. It was just painful to look back on. But… “We were both wronged, your scars show as much.” They finally continued after making their observations. And it was around that time where they felt the pain in their own body, suddenly cramping somewhat in places. Yet it wasn’t exactly from the battle. This was a little different. “It all still hurts.” 

“Right? It all just hurts like hell…” The Shadow agreed, voice weak. Yet they didn’t look away while talking. 

They were glad to see that. Honestly, it made them smile just a little bit. Was it genuine or was it just to assure themself? “Yes. But… Will it really change if I act out some massive plan to take revenge on everyone?” They even asked.

Their other self was suddenly widening their eyes. “What do you mean?” They didn’t understand? Really? Then again, if they were both just as stubborn, maybe that wasn’t much of a surprise.

“You see… To have a better future you need to fight for a better future.” They began, surprised how calm they were keeping themself here. They weren’t leashing out or anything, nor did they have any desire to. “Not just for yourself but also for others.”

“For… Others?”

“Yeah… When I tried to aim big, I failed. Honestly, all this time I felt pretty useless. And maybe I am useless in that regard.” They wanted to scoff, for even saying such a thing. Ah, it was just ironic. They sounded so cheesy right now, so stupid. They had not seen this sooner, had they? “But changing where it matters… Maybe that's for the better. I can only do so much but if it's for the sake of those I care for… Then it's worth it.”

The Shadow would not shy away from Lukanja. Instead, said Shadow looked at them with a certain curiosity, even if their tone would not suggest as much. It was almost a scoff. And yet it wasn’t as if they were looking down on their self from the real world, not really at least. “Only for those you care for? Sounds pretty selfish…”

Lukanja laughed. They weren’t wrong after all. “Yeah, it is. But I’m not going to save the world anytime soon.” They countered. “That's other people's job now.”

“That’s what you want to do?”

“Pretty much. If I can be there where it matters, then that’s good enough for me.But for that I need to let go of those desires deep down…” At the end they pointed at their own Shadow, their own self. 

This one opened their mouth at first, though nothing came out. Therefore they closed it at first, only staring at the finger it was pointed at with. They didn’t exchange a word for a second or two. And they didn’t need to. Lukanja knew that they were getting through somehow. After all… This side was still them. It was a part of them no matter what. As hard as it was to admit at first. 

“So that's the way you chose to live…” The Shadow suddenly responded, somewhat curling up their lips. It was in defeat yet also some time of relief.

“Yeah. Pretty much.” They nodded, lowering their own finger finally.

The Shadow got up, slowly. Yet they didn’t seem to be wobbling. Was it even standing at— 

There it was though, the robe falling to the ground, revealing the body. There was nothing, nothing but green skin, full of scars, closed yet also open wounds. And said open wounds would have the blood drip down, the pitch black one. And yet the legs seem to be just like the arms, being some type of flames which disappeared in midair. No, wait, particles would define it better. Had they noticed that their rope was falling down or— 

Before Lukanja could think further however they saw the Shadow hovering around a little, looking right at them. The smile was a little painful yet it was probably the happiest smile they had seen from this Shadow. “Then… I won't be in the way anymore.” They suddenly announced, voice oddly soft yet having a clear pitch now, no longer distorted. “It still hurts. Everything hurts. But… Maybe those scars will disappear over time.”

They only stared, not sure what to say, what else to add. Then again, perhaps there was nothing more to add. Nothing more had to be said. So, they smiled. It wasn’t forced or anything like that yet they couldn’t put into words how they were feeling right now. It was weird but… It wasn’t a bad feeling. Not at all. “Maybe… I’ll hope so…”

“Heh… Alright…” The Shadow chuckled, one last time. One last word. Just one, before they both could finally let go. 

“ Goodbye. ”