“A letter to myself.
Hey. How are you doing? When writing this, you are probably miserable. Hah, can’t say that’s surprising. A lot has happened. This year was surprisingly eventful. So much changed, enough that you will never return to your old life anytime soon if at all. I don’t think you even could.
And yet, even with all the challenges you had ahead of yourself, all you wanted to do in the end was run. Don’t deny it. It is written all over your face right now. Saying that you either want to destroy everyone or die. You claim that you didn’t want to be in this world. And, well, it is not an easy mindset to get rid off. But… Isn’t that the easy way out?
Think about it. You disappear. But then what? In the end you just pass your problems onto others. You make everyone question ‘why’ this had happened. Saying without a word. And I get it. There were times where you really thought that it may be easier to disappear. ‘This has to be what everyone wants.’ I can relate.
But I shouldn’t think like that. Not anymore. It doesn’t do anything. It won’t do anyone any good. Not after finding someone who sees me for who I am. I’m not one half or the other, I’m both. I’m me. They want me around.
It isn’t easy to say this.But I have to do it. If no one else will, then who? Look at yourself! This is just pathetic! It’s the tougher road but get a grip on yourself! Face your issues, face yourself! Accept it! Instead of sulking and groaning, step up and do something! Do you really want to turn into this monster!? Or run from it!?
No! You don’t! You can’t let them win! You can’t let them take over! Step up and do something about it! If you want to help changing others for the better, then you have to change first!
Don’t just stand there and drown in your pent up rage! Fight it and get rid of you! Challenge yourself and change!”
In the end Lukanja panted while looking at the reflection of the window inside their room. They noticed the bags under their eyes but it wasn’t time to sleep just yet. No, they couldn’t collapse. They didn’t allow themself to collapse. Their plan, they had to see if it had worked or not. And it was a plan which sounded easier said than done – Calling themself out.
It wasn’t the easiest thing to do. No one wants to hear it after all. No one wants to hear things which made them uncomfortable. Writing it down had been the easy part, or at least the easier part. However, saying it out loud was difficult. They had hesitated reading it aloud, their voice always stopping and trembling, wanting to beat around the bush. They were trying to distract themself from the topic at hand. But no, they even slapped themself a few times. Not getting side tracked and criticizing their own writing. That wasn't the right time or place. So what it wasn't perfect? They had to hear it!
They had stood in front of the window for long enough to have seen the sun rise. That’s how long it had taken them to gather the courage to read their own words out loud. Were they even ready? No, that didn't matter. Ready or not they had to push through. They had promised – To him and to themself. They would see this through until the very end.
That was what had pushed them in the end. A deep breath before they had read it out loud, the entire letter. It was embarrassing, humiliating and downright uncomfortable. But they pushed themself to listen. They pushed themself to read it out loud. They pushed themself to look themself into the eyes. They had to or it would not be effective. They had to face it, face themself.
And now they were just standing here, waiting for something to happen. Anything honestly. Just something which would trigger anything within them. At first nothing happened, making them put doubt into this plan. Had they done something wrong? Was this not the solution? Maybe if they redo it! Then it might work! Give it another try before discarding it completely!
But they didn't have to.. Because just when they least expected it they felt their head hurt, as if someone had shot right through it. There was no wound yet it hurt like crazy. It wasn't long, only a split second. Yet it was there, long enough to be noticed.
There was one thing they heard in their head, another voice, their voice, yelling, to the point that it nearly cracked. “These shitheada… I’LL KILL THEM! I WILL KILL ALL OF THEM!”
Hah… So in the end–
“Congratulations dearie. Your plan was a full on success~”
YOU ARE READING
Persona 5 - The Jester's Point Of View
FanfictionLeading the life of a seemingly normal girl and a boy, as Anja and Luka. There was nothing outstanding about them and their life just carries on as it always does, playing whichever role they must to survive in this world. And yet no one truly knew...
