You can romanticize or joke about your mental illnesses all you want but the ugly truth is that it's just really fucking hard all the time and I wish more people would understand that. I have so many emotions in me all the time that I'm trying to let out in healthy ways, which is so draining. It's so frustrating and lonely and sometimes I just want to scream at everyone. Sometimes it feels like a full time job just to stay alive. And at the same time I feel like I don't do enough to warrant feeling so tired but I'm trying to unlearn that need to feel useful all the time. Sometimes my brain gets really overwhelmed and decides to randomly shut down. And that's when I can get really mean because I just don't have the energy for anything else. I'll feel awful for it but at the same time don't know how to stop. I'm really glad for that talk with Will. Even if I could tell he was still really pissed at me. That's fair. He just needs space so I'll try to do that.
