I had sex with Eleanor last night. I'm a little worried they only did it because they knew I wanted to and also because they felt bad about the bad Valentine's Day and then forgetting the date of our anniversary. But maybe I don't want to know, because I really want to believe they wanted it just as much as I did. Because that was definitely the best thing I ever did. I still can't believe that happened. I haven't stopped thinking about it for a single minute. But then on the other hand part of me feels like I'm not allowed to be happy about it because Will is so upset about Connor blowing off their date last night. They told me to stop fighting their battles and I know they're right but that doesn't make me want to yell at Connor any less. It really hurts—watching a great person who deserves someone who wants to give them the whole world, be given less than that. I guess I'm not only talking about Will here. I just can't forgive myself for not doing anything, for not telling anyone about the way that monster treated my dad, even though I was seven and didn't know what was going on at the time. He made excuses about the bruises and the soreness, and naive little me believed him, how could I not? Amber insists it's not my fault. But I can't help but wonder, if he hadn't come home from work early that day and seen everything, how much longer it would've gone on before one of us said something. Anyway. I know nothing like that is happening to Will but I still think he deserves the world and not to settle for someone who doesn't want to give him that. It makes me really sad to think that he thinks he deserves any less but unlike that time, there's really nothing I can do.
