Gedankenwelt

Please be safe.

I love you.

I never realised with how much pain and fear and worry these words come. Every night I lie in my bed, wondering what you’re doing, wondering if you’re safe. 

You tell me you'll be careful, that you’ll get home safely, that I don’t have to worry. But I can’t shut them down. I know that I probably worry more than people usually do. But I just can’t stop myself from it.

Of course I trust you. I know that you’ll be careful, that you will do your best to get back home. But that doesn’t mean that I trust the whole world around you. There could always happen something unexpected, something you can't prevent.

Losing you would mean losing the on person that is most important to me. My reason to live.

I know that I can't always protect you. And I know that it is out of our control to make sure nothing's gonna happen. So worrying about it won't change anything. All you can do is being careful - and that’s what you’re doing.

Maybe I should trust a little more in the world, in fate. 

Maybe it could all be easier if I just believed in the good for once.

But then I’m scared that I will start doing this exactly on the day when I should have been worried, the one day you're not coming home safely. I could never forgive myself for not worrying. Because maybe, if I cared just a bit more at this moment, I could have changed something. 

I know myself well enough to know that I would always find something I could blame myself for, even if it’s not my fault at all. 

So I guess there is no way I can escape these worries.

But maybe this is just the price I have to pay for loving you. 

Great things always come at high costs. So maybe, I could be glad this is the price I have to pay.

~23.12.2025