Gedankenwelt

The light version

TW

I feel like I got the light version of everything;
it's just enough to count, but never the whole thing.
My parents hit me, but only when I was younger and never enough to do real damage.
I grew up with only one grandparent but never really experienced a death in the family.
I hurt myself, but not in ways anyone would see - most of the time, it doesn't even bleed.
There are scars, but you can barely see them.
When I attempted, I didn't even pass out.
He touched me when I didn't want him to, but you couldn't count it as rape - he even stopped after I told him often enough.
I don't have a normal and healthy relationship with food, but it doesn't fit any disorders.

It's like I always only get half of everything. And sometimes, I wish for just one whole experience so that others wouldn't be able to say that it's not that bad, so that I can't tell myself my own experiences don't "count", that I'm just being dramatic.

And I know that this will probably sound wrong to everyone who had the "whole" thing. Maybe it actually is wrong.

But the way it is for me now, I always know for sure that there are people out there who had it worse, who would probably give a lot to live my life instead of theirs.
And maybe I should be more grateful - I am, most of the time.
But these thoughts still come up to me from time to time.