Avengers Texts

The One Where Wade Finally Saves Peter

Wade slipped away from Natasha and Tony and into the for-sale office space. They can stand around talking and being responsible or whatever, he was going to break a window and get Peter.

"Fuck this window," he muttered as he swung to kick it open, but his leg was met with only air. Upon further inspection, he noticed all the windows were already broken. He shrugged and stepped through. "Window was already fucked. Ow! Glass!" He hissed, stepping through the lobby.

The floor was covered in glass from all the broken windows. He probably should have noticed that. As he worked his way through the building, he felt more and more like he was in a bad horror movie. Dark and creepy office, no people around, empty and unused desks.

"Your whole life is a bad horror movie, Wilson," he sighed under his breath, kicking a chair as he passed. "Fuck this chair. Fuck this empty office building. Nobody wants to buy offices anymore."

After a few more minutes of kicking abandoned pieces of officeware and working his way through the dark space, he found a slightly ajar metal door that had a broken lock on it.

"Bingo," he opened it all the way with his foot and pulled a gun off his belt. He walked quietly down the stairs (he can be quiet, in your face, Tony) and stopped halfway when he could see into the room. It was small, and also very horror movie like. He was beginning to think they were all being punk'd. There was a table where three ugly guys were playing cards, a flickering lightbulb hanging from a chain, and- his chest tightened- Peter, tied and gagged to piping on a wall. He inhaled deeply and rolled his shoulders as he stomped the rest of the way down. Natasha was totally right, the shoulder thing made everyone look cool and he was gonna do it from now on.

"Welcome to the Deadpool radio hour!" He shouted in a game-show voice, and the idiots playing cards jumped up in a panic. "Recorded in front of a live studio audience! Today's topic- What happens to three ugly cow-fuckers when they kidnap my sweet love cookie?"

"Listen, fuc-" one of them started. Wade shot him twice in the chest.

"Wroooooooong answer! Contestants two and three care to venture a guess? No? Disqualified, both of you!" He fired two shots into each of their legs. "The answer we were looking for was: they regret it."

"Ahrgfh," Peter muttered around the rag in his mouth. Wade threw himself over and pulled it out. "Thank you."

"Are you okay?" Wade began working on Peter's restraints. "Also, you all tied up is totally kinky and kinda turning me on."

"That's- I missed you."

"I was only gone for like, a few hours. These knots are-" he paused, and then pulled one of his swords off his back. "I'm so stupid." He cut Peter free and set it down.

"Thanks, Wade. You're not stupid," he added as he rubbed his wrists.

"What happened to your face?!" Wade exclaimed, grabbing Peter's head in his hands and inspecting the swelling pre-bruise under his eye.

"Oh, that? You didn't notice that earlier?"

"I was distracted by the fact that you weren't being eaten by giant lizards-"

"That's not even a situation-"

"What happened to your face?!"

"Kidnappers, Wade. They're not exactly worried about my well being."

"I'm gonna kill them," Wade went to stand up and Peter grabbed him.

"Don't. They're goons, and it's just a few bruises-" he tried.

"A few?! Wh- What else- I'm gonna kill them," Wade stood up, and Peter tried to follow him.

"You promised- Ow, ow!" He sucked in a breath and grabbed his side.