Avengers Texts

Shark Week

The Tower had a state of the art home theatre. Cutting edge sound, sharply sloped floor, HD screen. It sat empty until it got dusty.
But stream an entire weeks worth of shark television in there, and all of a sudden the place was crawling with overzealous superheroes, Nordic gods, and agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Tony had kicked his boots in the corner, and Cap had been barefoot upon entering. He did that a lot. Apparently human perfection meant you didn't have to worry about stubbing your toe, or maybe he didn't get that in the future a person could have more than one pair of shoes.
Sam had shown up next, then Clint and Bruce. Sam and Clint were more excited than five year olds at Disney (so was Cap, but he was mature enough not to jump around squealing "SHARK WEEK" like those two). Bruce, however, looked tired and agitated. He kept making hand motions at Clint, to which Clint kept responding with the same hand motion. Tony decided he needed to learn sign language soon so he could tell if they were talking about him.
Then was Natasha, who was barefoot because she claimed that shoes were "too noisy for someone in her line of work", came in out of fucking nowhere and sprawled across Bruce and Clint (who continued their aggressive signing over top of her).
Next was Thor, who was extremely enthused about sharks because they're a Midgardian creature that is "fierce and mighty".
Loki and Phil showed up behind Thor, trying to be sneaky but not succeeding. Nobody much cared, though, because Phil was nice and Loki was sassy (plus he kept Thor quiet- or, as quiet as he could manage).
Last were Peter and Wade, who came a little late to avoid attention. It didn't work.
"Wilson," Tony said begrudgingly. Steve elbowed him.
"Hi," Cap offered, sticking a hand out to the boy without looking away from the screen. "Steve Rogers,"
"Wade Wilson," he said, shaking the hand. Then he and Peter sat down in front of Natasha and Wade put his head in her lap. "Hey, Widow,"
"Deadpool," she smiled, "Glad to see you up and about,"
"Immortality, baby. Why's Banner doing that with his hands? Is he having a seizure?"
"Clint lost his hearing aids. Or someone took them," she added distastefully, sending a sharp look over at Loki. He sighed loudly and threw a poptart at her.
"I didn't take them!"
"Whatever. Thanks for the poptart,"
"Poptart?" Thor asked, looking over at them.
"Here," Loki threw one at his face. Thor caught it in his mouth and smiled.
"Shhhh! Shark!" Clint whined, nevermind the fact that he couldn't actually hear them. Sam and Steve nodded fervently in agreement as a great white glided across the screen and tore open a poor sea creature. Sam cheered.
"It's not dead yet!" Steve shushed.

Tony started to pour out a Scotch, and then changed his mind and cracked bottle of white wine. Most of the rest stuck to beer, but Cap raided the bar, and, with Jarvis's help, worked his way through 12 weirdly assorted drinks. Jalapeno vodka on tequila sunrise, peppermint Schnapps, blueberry margarita and Mountain Dew.
"Can't get drunk," he offered as an explanation (though to Tony that meant he hadn't devoted himself to the attempt). "Might as well go for flavor,"

Someone unearthed a deck of cards, but it became obvious very quickly that there was no point to poker in this crowd. Nobody had any tells, except Cap, who could barely play, and Banner, who was a comically open book. Kids' games worked better, because, one, they left more to chance, and, two, you got to hear the God of Thunder say "Go fishing!".
But Nat was a cheater, Tony was unbeatable, and Loki could tell what cards you had somehow, so they gave up on the endeavor.

Natasha had herself draped over the collective laps of Clint, Bruce, and Sam, with Wade and Peter's heads on her stomach.
"Can I braid your hair?" Bruce asked, tapping on Nat's head.
That knocked the room into silence, and Tony braced himself in case Natasha couldn't resist giving him a mean letdown. Instead, she just sighed like it was an everyday request and looked up at him lazily.
"Again?"
"Do Midgardians also use grooming as a way of cementing friendships, then? I would be honored if you would share your talents with me,"
Natasha sighed loudly again.
"I already let you and Loki straighten my hair,"
"Pleaaaaaase?" Bruce whined.
Natasha watched them for a minute with an expression that was both a smile and a frown at the same time. Then she padded off and came back with a handful of hairbands and a hairbrush, and Pepper Potts.
"Shark Week without me?!" She exclaimed. Tony shrank down into Cap's shoulder.
"Hide me," he whispered, and Cap obligingly put both arms around Tony and smothered his face with his hands. "Thanks," Tony laughed.
"Hey, Pepper," Peter waved.
"Hey kid," she smiled. "Where's May n Marie? Don't tell me you forgot them too?"
"They got lost in San Diego. Comic Con," Fury answered. Tony jumped, having forgotten the man was there. He was quiet.
"Ah," Pepper nodded, sitting down next to Cap. "Oh, I wonder wherever Tony could have gone?" She said sarcastically. Tony shrank lower into Steve's side.
"He's not here. See, nobody. Just my arms," Steve said earnestly. Pepper rolled her eyes.
"Yeah. I'm not here," Tony said from under Steve's hands.
"Yes you are," Pepper laughed. Steve moved his arms and sighed.
"Jig is up," Steve sighed sadly.
"I've been found out," Tony agreed.
"Hello, dorks?! I have hair stuff!" Natasha declared.
"Me and Clint get Nat!" Bruce called out.
"Me and Steve get Thor!" Tony added.
"Pepper!" Peter threw his hand up.
"Loki!" Thor demanded. Loki looked over at him, terrfied, and shook his head violently.
"No,"
"Brotha please,"
"No! I had pink hair for a week last time I let you near it, absolutely not!"
Thor pouted and Loki sighed resignedly, getting up and sitting in front if his brother.
"Mess anything up, and i'll impale you,"
Thor laughed loudly, and Tony swore the room shook.
It went quiet for a while, with only the noise of a shark splashing in water and a History Channel narrator in the background.
"I'm startin' to wish I had long hair," Fury said in a low voice, and Cap nodded in agreement.
"Hang on a second," Natasha murmured, slipping away again. When she came back- silently, on little assassin's feet- she had a shoebox full of nailpolish.

Cap fell asleep with red, white, and blue toes (which he did himself, and as a resut they were a little messy) and his head on Tony's shoulder. Tony took the opportunity to use his surgical precision and paint sharks on his hands.
But then, 10 minutes after Tony fell asleep, Cap woke up and painted sappy little smiles and sunshines and flowers on Tony's hands.