Avengers Texts

The Kitchen

Tony was standing in the kitchen at God knows when in the morning, testing his new Korean coffee maker while Natasha slept on the couch. He gave her a room, why the fuck was she down here? He should put up assassin proof locks on the staircases, like the ones they have to keep babies from wandering. Only for assassins.

He was making coffee at fucks o'clock AM by himself because Pepper wouldn't help him with the Steve/ Bucky thing and Rhodey wasn't picking up his phone either, and every time he brought it up with anyone they seemed wholly exasperated. Even Maria fucking Hill, miss worship the ground you walk on, seemed unimpressed with his ramblings. Probably because they had happened about ten minutes ago, before coffee, and therefore made no sense.

"Who died?" Clint asked, popping up out of fucking nowhere. Jesus. Between him and Natasha, Tony should just laser-alarm the whole place. Or get JARVIS to warn him whenever anybody approaches, that could work too (but lasers were cooler).

"What? Nobody. Don't you have..." Tony waved his hand, "arrow-practice? Or something?"

Clint gave him an unimpressed look. What was with everyone being unimpressed with him today, he's amazing, if they needed a reminder he could totally build a killer robot or smartjet or something, oh, yes, he should so start designing a jet, jets are cool. Also, useful. And jets were less dangerous to Cap than jet packs.

"Are you pouting because Cap's not your best boy anymore?" Clint smirked. "Because you're getting borderline creepy,"

"What?" Tony snapped, "I'm not pouting over Steve. According to everyone in this fucking house he can do whatever he wants and i'm being melodramatic. And i'm not creepy!"

"You are getting a bit creepy," Clint said, giving him a look. Okay, what is that, does everybody but him get together and practice those looks and tell each other 'Hey, lets use these on Tony because we are gigantic assholes, it'll be fun'? Because it's not fun, it's annoying.

"Am I crazy? I mean, it's weird, right?" Tony pleaded, grabbing a coffee mug, "What Buck did to Steve and Steve doesn't care? Everything's good vibes?"

Clint smirked, that stupid motherfucker smirked a smug little asshole smirk and snatched Tony's coffee.

"Do not say good vibes ever again. And... It is weird. It is. But Bucky doesn't remember and Steve obviously doesn't like to. They're still best friends,"

"What do I do?"

"About your hopeless crush on Captain Booty?"

"No! Jesus. About him and Bucky,"

"Nothing. Just keep an eye on him, like you have been. Creeper,"

"Fuck you, why'd you even come down here? Make fun of me and take my Natasha coffee?"

"Actually, yes. Bruce wanted coffee,"

Tony's face screwed up into a look that said oooh motherfucker we're havin' a talk right fuckin' now so sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up, so Clint refrained from making a sarcastic comment and waited.

"Are you fucking Bruce?"

"Are you joking me right now?"

"No,"

"I'm not fucking Bruce,"

"You sure?"

Clint remained silent. Asshole.

"Fine. Be like that."

"Can I just say, I don't think the Bucky thing is why Cap's got a gay thing? Like, honestly, there's more to it than just the one thing. That Steve doesn't seem that bothered about."

"He is so bothered."

"Bothered that everyone knows his business and keeps calling him gay. Which isn't cool."

"I don't do it."

"Because you're in love with him."

"Am not.

"Mhm. Just like I'm not fucking Bruce."

"Wh- Hey!"

"I'm just saying. You like Steve. At least platonically. Which- You pay attention. Is what I'm saying, and you know that there's more to this than everyone's kneejerk reaction of 'I hate Bucky'."

"True. But you hate Bucky too, don't you?"

"Because he's been fixed for a while and he and Nat have a- Thing. I dunno."

"Are you and Nat..."

Clint smirked and went quiet.

"Asshole."

"Talk to Steve."

"You can leave now," Tony shooed Clint away. Clint snorted and went back upstairs with an entire pot of Nat's coffee, but whatever, Tony had five more.

He went downstairs with those five pots of coffee and created an entire skeleton for the greatest damn jet ever invented, even though he unknowingly missed several meals in the process.