Avengers Texts

Tony to Bruce

<Tony>

so here's a fun riddle: whos terrible, awful, and hanging off my staircase

<Bruce>

terrible and awful are synonyms and i don't know because i'm getting lectured about the roof

and also for losing track of bucky and sam

<Tony>

oh yeah bucky's being weird like no offense but he's

weird

<Bruce>

well i'm inclined to agree

who's on the staircase?

<Tony>

what do you mean who's on the staircase? someone's on the staircase?

<Bruce>

YOU JUST TEXTED ME ABOUT SOMEONE ON THE STAIRCASE

<Tony>

oh yeah it's clint and matt

<Bruce>

matt's here?

<Tony>

yeah he needs to talk to nat but shes

somewhere

idk shes a crafty minx

<Tony>

but yeah no clint was like "i bet i can hang off the staircase longer"

and i was like "no"

and matt was like "i bet you can't"

and i was like "stop"

and now theyre both hanging from the staircase and i am exasperated

<Tony>

MY HOUSE IS NOT A PLAYGROUND FOR YOU PEOPLE

<Tony>

THAT STAIRCASE COST MONEY

<Tony>

AS DOES THE ROOF, BY THE WAY, AND LEAVE LOKI ALONE I SWEAR TO GOD

<Bruce>

okay but find your chill

<Bruce>

what is that noise I just heard

<Tony>

clint fell

<Bruce>

oh my god jesus fucking christ he's trying to kill me

<Bruce>

if he's paralyzed i'm not wheeling him around

<Tony>

i really dont think he would want you to and hes fine hes standing up

<Tony>

matt wants nat

<Bruce>

i think she's with maria and may? because they needed to "talk about some things"

<Tony>

yeah they really do honestly maria is acting way out of character she's not usually so

<Bruce>

out of control?

<Bruce>

dependent?

<Bruce>

2007 random kid?

<Tony>

exactly yes i think it's because of you know what

<Bruce>

what?

<Tony>

like a month before u assholes moved in?

<Tony>

when YOU KNOW WHO with red hair suddenly broke up with YOU KNOW WHO who is suddenly obsessed with may?

<Bruce>

yeah but that was maria's idea

<Tony>

it was fury's idea ACTUALLY and I know this bc I spy on his emails but

yeah

also fury's being shady in general lately

<Bruce>

he's always shady get out

<Tony>

but no like i mean really

not wanting to give clint new hearing aids, the whole bucky situation is very suspect, the nat and maria thing which was like the beginning of shady, i'm pretty sure he's paying coulson to keep tabs on us, and something is up with loki

<Bruce>

like what, he's missing the young avengers?

<Tony>

ha ha

<Tony>

oh my god I completely forgot about them i'm supposed to be checking in with kate every week

<Tony>

shit

<Bruce>

clint does that anyways they're fine

<Tony>

speaking of your ridiculous boyfriend please come save him from disabling himself further as he has just challenged matt murdock to a ninja battle

<Bruce>

yeah no that's a terrible idea

<Bruce>

please tell me what I just heard was not clint's skull

<Tony>

I wanna say no, but it's hard to tell

<Bruce>

i'm coming down

*this and all future chapters are dedicated to rennan*

*oh yeah, hey guys! I guess I'm off hiatus or whatever! do me a favor and pretend I didn't write bucky really terribly*