As we pull up to the airport tears already started to stream down my face and I quietly sobbed. I wasn't ready to go. I didn't want to leave. Both Taylor and Dave sat quietly, letting me have my moment. Taylor finally couldn't take it and gets into the backseat with me.
"Shhh...please don't cry, sweetheart. Please, angel..." He whispered holding me tightly and gently rocking me. "You'll be back and when you are you'll be back for good. Just remember that. Throw yourself into those drum lessons!" He says smiling sweetly at me. I nod.
"Promise?" He teases.
"I promise." I say wiping my face dry. "I'd do anything for you." I whisper. Taylor's face turns sad.
"Me too, angel." He whispers.
"I'd better go before they tell you to move the car..." I say unbuckling my seatbelt.
"Fuck them." Taylor grumbles and hops out. He grabs my bag from the back and hands it to me. Dave joins Taylor at the curb. I take a deep breathe.
"I love you both." I say trying to hold back a sob. They both hug me at once.
"Can't wait to have you back, roomie!" Dave exclaims with a smile and grabs my hand.
"You just can't wait for me to come back and be your live-in cook, again." I laugh.
"Jesus Christ, you know I dreamt about those shrimp you made last night. I did! I remember in my dream that I got into an argument with Taylor over leftovers and when I woke up I was actually still pissed at T!" He says excitedly. We all laughed loudly. I hug them both tight then quickly walk through the automatic doors, never looking back. "You'll be back, you'll be back..." I repeat over and over in my head. My new mantra.
Back home it was business as usual. I knew I'd have to tell my boss, Peter, that I was resigning but I just couldn't muster the courage yet. In the meantime, I was busy trying to get my desk and files straightened out. "This will take awhile..." I thought. "Ugh." Thankfully, I had my drums when I'd get home. It was the only thing keeping me sane. As I promised the boys, I took up lessons at the local music school. I doubled down and decided to go twice a week which was actually paying off! His name was Bobby James and I was unhappy at first because he was an older, jazz drummer but he understood what my goals were and he and I got along very well. I told him "two months! I want to learn everything I can before I leave for LA!" He smiled and we got down to work. He even helped me set up the kit Dave sent me and showed me how to do it myself. He was a godsend. Mind you, I spoke or texted with Taylor everyday and wasn't actually telling him about my lessons. He was more preoccupied with when I would be coming out to LA for good.
"I need at least two more months, boo. It's the very least I can do for the man I've worked for for 16 years..." I sighed.
"TWO MONTHS?" He cried. "That's so long!"
"I know, I know... I have a lot of things to wrap up, boo. I'm not some kid with no life or responsibilities! I have to take care of business!" I tried to change the subject to calm him down. "Are you guys done demoing? Are you ready to get down to brass tacks yet?"
"Not quite... We still have some work to do." He said trying to relax.
"Well, maybe by the time I get there, I'll get to experience some of the real recording process, yeah? Have you decided who will produce? Butch again?"
"Honestly, I was kind of voting for Raskulinecz to do it..." He said out of the side of his mouth.
"Oh! That would be fun! He's awesome..." I say.
"Doubt I'll have much say, though Dave seemed slightly intrigued by the thought. We'll see!" He seemed to cup his hand over the receiver because his voice sounded muffled "I'll be right there, dude. Get ready for bed and I'll read to you." He came back "sorry. The little people call. I'll talk to you tomorrow, ok?" He said in an apologetic tone.
"Of course. Go be daddy." I say with a smile.
"I'll show you daddy..." He joked.
"Shut UP, you pig!" I laugh then lower my voice "good night, daaaaddy..." I say in a joking sexy voice.
"Alright! I'm out! Gotta go before I get a boner!" He laughed. He hung up. I laughed to myself.
"Time to make the donuts!" I say aloud to myself and sit back at my kit. I'm learning Everlong and it's a fucking bear but I'm getting it. "I can't wait to show them how quickly I'm learning." I think.
As it turned 9:00 pm every night I would stop playing. Though my next door neighbor was deaf, I'm sure he can feel the vibrations of it while he lies in bed. At least I made myself believe as much. I suddenly, with a rush of adrenaline from playing, decided to drag out my old, acoustic guitar and the handwritten tabs from the one instructor I ever had. I actually started to get it. It seemed as though learning one instrument made me better understand another instrument. Day after day this became my ritual and I was actually getting really proficient at the guitar! I was shocked. I realized I was going after both instruments at a furious pace and I was loving it and it was MY secret. I didn't even tell my best friends, Karen and Lee. This was for my boys. I was doing this for me and my boys.
