***TRIGGER WARNING This chapter contains content about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors.***
Taylor held Ollie on the bed and quietly watched me pack to go out to Rancho De La Luna Studio. We didn't say anything and I held out each piece of clothing before I packed it, showing him the modest nature of all of it. He didn't ask for approval but I wanted it anyway. I respect our marriage like nothing else in my life. To say someone is your heart and soul, the very core of your being would still do a disservice to the way I feel about Taylor... His eyes seemed so far away... I just wanted to hold him and tell him "everything will fine..." but my gut didn't really feel that way so I stayed silent. I went into the bathroom and quickly grabbed my toiletries and shoved them in my case. I didn't bother to bring make-up, what was the point other than it was sheer force of habit. I was done and walked over to Taylor and took the baby from him, kissing his face then walked him into his nursery, putting him in his playpen. I went back into our room and stood in front of Taylor, leaning down to kiss him. I eased him onto his back and laid on top of him.
"I love you so much..." I whispered, kissing his beautiful mouth.
"I love you more..." He whispered back, pulling my shirt over my head. One last time before I go...
***
Rancho, Day 1
I pulled up the dusty drive and noted the plethora of cars parked all around. I parked and sat for a moment, taking a few breathes before getting out. The only thing I was sure about in my life right now is that I left Brittany settled before I left. She was all set with her wedding plans. Everything else, well, I was winging it... I rang the buzzer at the front door and was greeted by the man I knew was Dave Catching. His face was kind and he put out his hand to introduce himself.
"Abby, right? I'm Dave or Catch or Catching... Whatever floats your boat!" He laughed. I smiled.
"Nice to meet you, Catch." I said, slowly entering into his strange little wonderland. I looked all around and just grinned. I caught a glimpse of a picture on the wall of my guys sitting around with Joe Walsh; Taylor's face lit up like the sun. I suddenly felt the urge to cry but sucked it in. These guys could be merciless and I was determined to show them that I was just as tough as they were. I looked back at Catch smiling at me.
"That's your guy, alright... God, he was so happy and nervous to meet Joe. Jesus, even I thought it was adorable!" We both laughed.
"He CAN have that effect on people..." I agreed and walked away grazing his face in the picture with my hand as I turned. The further in I walked, I heard the guys roaring with laugher and tinkering with their instruments. I spied Mark Lanegan amongst them, all drinking beer already and it was barely noon... I walked in and everyone took notice, greeting me.
"Hey, Lanegan, this is Abby Hawkins." Josh said and Mark and I shook hands. Just one more person Taylor doesn't know about... He seemed nice just menacing looking. I started to feel like I was suffocating already. Being around the Foos was like watching a rainbow appear after the rain, this felt like being in the middle of the storm... We all eventually got settled and Joshua was talking to Mark and Nick about lyrics and vocals that they would be laying down after we tinkered some more with the songs. As much as I hated his ass, I always loved hearing Nick scream and screech his way through a song. Always made me want to punch something. I was sitting at my drums with my head down on my arms when suddenly I felt someone's hands creeping down my back.
"I bet you fuck like you drum..." Nick whispered in my ear. I jerked my head up and stared at him seething. "Or maybe you like to get fucked like you drum? I'd love to find out..." He grinned at me with a wicked smile.
