November 5, 2016
We were on the plane to Santiago, Chile and I was a fucking mess... Dave was napping and Taylor was trying to occupy my mind by playing gin rummy with me but it wasn't working.
"What the fuck am I doing?" I say aloud. My brain couldn't hold in the thought anymore, I guess. Taylor looked up from his hand and stared at me.
"You're being a hardcore bad ass, that's what you're doing..." He trailed of and took his turn. I could feel myself getting nauseous again but was able to breathe through it and took a sip of water.
"I don't feel like a hardcore bad ass, right now..." I say. Taylor puts his cards down and stares at me.
"You've never done this before in your LIFE and your almost fucking 40. You are a bad ass motherfucker for even saying "yes" in the first place." He says seriously. I stare back at him with tears in my eyes and smile.
"Thank you, Taylor. I needed that." I say dabbing at my eyes.
***
Once we landed, we were driven directly to the hotel so that we could get settled. Santiago was a big city and heavily populated. I was told there there would be nearly 30,000 people at this show but there would be a ton more once we got to Brazil. No, pressure... I stared out at the mountain range in the distance. Dave held my hand the whole way there.
The Singular was a very hip hotel. I fucking love hotels. You never have to clean up after yourself! Dave and I entered our new digs for the next couple of days and he threw down our bags and grabbed me and lifted me up. I let out a little scream and wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist.
"I'll make you forget about your stage fright right now..." He growled. My eyes softened.
"Oh yeah?" I whisper and he throws me on the bed. He quickly pulls his t-shirt over his head and starts to undo his jeans.
"Oh yeah..." He breathes and kicks off his shoes. I tear off my underpants and pull him down on me. We were going at it so ferociously that I thought we were going to hurt each other. Sometimes fear is fun... Two hours later we sat quietly both a sweaty mess.
"Um, can we do that every time you get stage fright?" He asks chest heaving.
"We can do that anytime..." I say breathless. He smiles and snuggles me tight.
"You're going to be fucking awesome tonight. Jesus Christ look at you! You look like you're about to kick the shit out of someone!" He exclaimed marveling over my new, more cut physique. I decided to really get in good shape because I wasn't sure if I could handle playing 2 to 3 hours in the heat being as green as I was.
"I just kicked the shit out of YOU!" I laugh. He rolls on top of me, pinning my arms down.
"Oh yeah..." He begins to kiss my neck lightly biting at it.
"If you fucking leave bite marks on me I swe-" He covers my mouth with his and kisses me deeply.
Round 2...
***
November 5, 2016; 8:00 pm
As I sit quietly in my dressing room my mind keeps racing. Renee, my make-up and hair girl had just left and I was happy to see her go. She talked incessantly and I wasn't in the mood. I asked for a make-up and hair person to tour with us because I had no clue how to prepare for something like this. I picked up my acoustic guitar, a Guild 12-string that Dave had bought me when we were in a little pawn shop in West Hollywood. I pointed out that my father used to have one just like it and loved it so much but, in a moment of desperation, had to pawn it. Without flinching he told the shop owner that he'd take it. God, I love him. God, I love him...
"Babe? Can I come in?" I hear muffled behind the door. I get up to open the door.
"You doin' OK in here?" Dave asked concerned; rubbing my arms.
"Not really but it'll pass, I guess." I could hear the rumble of the stadium and it made my stomach flip. Dave smiles at me and my heart melts.
"You can do this..." he whispers with a nod. "And might I just say daaaaamn, hot lady! What fucking band are you in? You're gonna' make us all look like scrubs!" He was admiring my attire. I was wearing black jeans, black Chucks and a white Motorhead t-shirt with the sleeves cut out down to my waist with the back slashed and a black, strappy bra underneath. My eyes were smokey and my hair was down and wild. I didn't want it up. I wanted to be able to hide if I needed to. "Believe me, I'd rather dress like you." I whisper. Dave smiles.
"Come on, lil' mama! Let's go get buzzed!" He laughs and drags me out and down the busy hallway to the pre-show room. We walk in and Chris, Nate and Taylor cheer. "Look who I found trying to hail a cab outside?!" Dave shouted and we all laughed heartily.
"I think as a gift to the virgin, that she gets to be the DJ tonight!" Taylor calls out. Everyone agrees.
"SWEET!" I reply and head over to Taylor's iPhone. Suddenly the beginning of "Stacked Actors" blares out of the speakers. I stop it quickly "Whoops! Old habits! Old Habits!" I joke and everyone laughs. I put on "Insane In The Brain" by Cypress Hill and everyone laughs and claps. I grab a beer for me and Dave and he starts dancing up on me from behind. I laugh aloud as he jokingly gets more and more aggressive. I hand him his beer and clink his bottle with mine "Cheers!" I say and take a swig. This goes on for a while. Dave even got me to do a shot of Crown with him. Gross. I was beginning to finally calm down when Gus the tour manager popped his head in.
"Time to go, you all!" He yells over Dr. Dre's "Forgot About Dre" booming from the speakers. We all nod and put down our drinks. We leave the music going and exit the room. Chris is behind me his hands massaging my neck. We all gear up and are waiting jumping up and down and running in place. The crowd was so loud I couldn't hear my own thoughts. Dave started up the stairs and we followed. I was stunned by the cheers. It felt like getting punched in the face. Dave basked in it; trying to get them even more pumped. He looked at me and grinned. Then he started those opening bars giving me the chills.
"All my life I've been searching for somethin'...Somethin' never comes never leads to nothin'...Nothin' satisfies but I'm getting close..."
Here we go...
