I Promise | Carson Lueders

I'm Sorry

*A couple months later*

My mom places down my plate filled with eggs, bacon, and toast. I pick up my fork, just moving around my food. Luke sits down beside me, patting me on the back. I glance up at him and he sends me an assuring smile. I send one back, but it's not as strong.

"Rachell, honey, aren't you going to eat?" My mom asks, concerned.

I look up and meet her eyes. Everyone here feels sorry for me; I feel sorry for myself as well. We both promised and he broke that promise. It was my fault for giving us a break and most importantly trusting him. It's only been a couple of months when we broke up and one month after our breakup, I thought the whole hate blew over and it did.

But when I arrived at his apartment complex, I saw something that I wish I hadn't. Carson and a good friend of mine, Brooke Kier, holding hands. He even leaned in and kissed her. I drove out of there. I drove to Jordyn's new apartment and she saw the look in my eyes before asking what was wrong. That's when I broke. That all happened in November. It's now December 5th and I'm still not over it. I haven't talked to anyone since that day I saw them together. I've become a mute since November 3rd. I will probably always remember that stupid day.

I shake my head and slide my plate towards my dad.

He looks up from his book and looks down at my plate, before looking at me. "Rach, you need to eat," he says, in a soft, concerning voice. "You haven't had a decent meal in a month, you can't just eat little stuff that's still keeping you alive."

I shake my head. I slide off the bar stool and head up to my room, shutting the door behind me. I grab my phone and my Bluetooth earbuds, before sitting down in my beanbag chair. I pick out a playlist and start listening to the music before closing my eyes and getting lost in the music. Blocking out all of this reality stuff that has been hurting me.

***

I feel someone poking me in the arm, followed by a voice, asking, "Do you think she's alive?"

"Oh my god, Hayden! Of course, she is," a familiar girl's voice says, in disbelief of what Hayden had just asked.

"Jeez, I was just asking," he mumbles.

I open my eyes spotting Jordyn, Hayden, Dylan, Sean, and Jaden standing around in my room. I give them my best smile that looks real, but honestly is fake.

"Hey Rach, we want you to get out of your house and do something fun. The only time I've seen you get out of your house is when you go meet up with your homeschooled teacher," Jordyn says, grabbing my hand and pulling me up. "That doesn't count."

"Yeah, let's go to Dave and Busters. Get our arcade gaming on," Hayden suggests.

I shrug and nod, telling them, sure I'm okay with that.

He smiles and Jordyn drags me out of my room and down the stairs. We walk past my dad and mom who are sitting in the living room. They look over their shoulders.

"Rachell, are you going out?" My dad asks, shocked.

I nod.

"Yeah, she's finally getting out instead of staying coped up in this house," Jordyn says, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "We're meeting up with Greg. We'll see you guys later."

I wave goodbye to my parents and Sean guides me outside. He opens the door for me and give him a smile to thank him. I slide in and he follows behind. Dylan and Jordyn up front; Sean, Hayden and I in the middle, and Jaden in the back.

The drive there consisted of everyone talking and me just sitting there quietly. Jordyn is right. It's time for me to stop moping, and go out. Carson found someone new that makes him happy and I'm happy for him. Maybe it's my turn to find someone new as well.