I'll Save You - Spirk

Chapter Fifty Eight

*Jim's POV*

"Jim! Wait up man!"

Spock and I paused to allow Kevin to catch up with us, then waited a little longer for him to catch his breath.

"You good?" I asked him, amused. He nodded and a grin broke out across his face.

"Gary."

"Gary?" I questioned and he nodded again.

"Gary."

"What exactly about Gary?"

Spock glanced between us and shifted slightly. "I must go."

Kevin and I waved as he left, then I turned back to Kevin.

"Gary?"

"Yes," Kevin seemed to remember his point and cackled loudly. "He's going to propose to Carol."

I nodded, my face completely straight. "I know."

Kevin's face fell. "Aww hell. How did you know before me? Here I was, thinking I finally knew something epically secret that I could share."

"Not much of a secret if you share it with everyone, Kev."

He shrugged. "Well, I wasn't going to tell that many people. Only you. Christine. Janice. Chekov. Sulu. A few others maybe."

I finally gave in and laughed. He rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. "Pshh, I doubt he cares - as long as Carol doesn't find out. It's not like he told me not to tell anyone."

"Yeah, anyway I'd better go figure out what Spock's up to - see you around."

Kevin huffed in mock hurt. "Fine. I see how it is. I guess he's just more important than me, huh? Huh?"

"Pretty much." I replied cheerfully and he laughed. "Oh, well - have fun!"

"I will," I called over my shoulder as I began walking in the direction that Spock had disappeared in.

.............

Spock had given me the entry code for his room ages ago so I let myself in without a second thought.

I paused in confusion when I saw Spock sitting on the floor next to the far side of the bed, his back turned to me.

I walked around the bed and froze in horror at the scene before me.

Spock's shirt was lying discarded at his side and his eyes were screwed tightly shut as he muttered rapid words under his breath.

The most terrifying part was the razor he was clutching in his hand, which was positioned carefully above his bare skin.

As I stood there, numb with horror, he let out a quiet whimper and moved the razor so that it was resting against his side.

"Spock, no!" I cried out, forcing myself into motion. I grabbed his wrist and pulled it away, taking the razor from him and tossing it aside.

"Jim? I - I was not expecting you until later." Spock's eyes were wide and he glanced over to the razor as he struggled to get up.

"Spock," I mumbled, trying to hold back tears. "Why? What's wrong?"

Spock just shook his head frantically as he backed away from me. "I do not..... Please..... I am sorry....."

I took a few steps towards him with my hands outstretched and he turned and ran into the bathroom, locking the door before I could reach it.

"Spock, please. Talk to me," I slumped against the closed door and shut my eyes tightly.

There was only silence from the other side.

I slid down until I was sitting on the floor, my hands pressed against the door as if I could reach through it.

"Spock..... Please," I choked out, losing the battle to stop my tears falling. "Please love, tell me what's wrong, let me help you. Please open the door."

The only sound other than my pleading was a quiet sniffling from the other side of the door.

Spock was crying.

"Please, we don't even have to talk if you don't want to. I - I can just sit quietly with you if that's what you'd prefer."

"I do not want you to see me." Spock's broken whisper made my heart clench painfully but I tried to ignore it.

"Why?" I whispered back and he was quiet for so long I thought he would never answer.

"I do not want you to see how weak I am."

"Spock," my head fell against the door with a dull thud. "You're not weak. You're the strongest person I know. You've just - You've just been strong for too long. Please, let me help you."

After a few more minutes of silence I heard the quiet sound of the door unlocking, then it opened just enough that I could see Spock sitting in a position almost identical to my own.

I pushed the door open more and wrapped my arms around him tightly.

He hesitantly wrapped his arms around my neck and I scooped him up and placed him on the bed.

I found the razor and wrapped it up, walking over and dropping it in the bin.

Spock watched me silently, shaking slightly and trying to cover himself up with his arms.

I grabbed one of his soft jumpers and brought it over to him, helping him into it before sitting next to him and staring into my lap, contemplating what I should say.

"I am sorry," Spock mumbled, shifting uncomfortably. "I did not mean for you to see that."

I turned to him and struggled not to flinch at the raw pain in his eyes. "I'm glad I came when I did, you shouldn't be alone when you're feeling like this."

Spock's eyes closed again and he turned his head away. "I am sorry I was not strong enough, I am sorry I cannot resist it."

I wrapped my arms around him again and pulled him closer, shushing him quietly.

"No love, it's not you're fault. Just please, when you're feeling like this, instead of turning to a blade try to turn to me, okay? I'm always here for you, I don't want you to feel like you're in this alone."

Spock didn't reply but he shifted until he was lying with his head in my lap and took one of my hands, rubbing it gently.

"Do you know what set it off?" I questioned and he looked away. "It was them. They are right, you do so much for me and I never do anything for you."

"Spock, they are a psychopath, don't listen to anything they say. You do so much for me, more than you know. Besides, I love you. I love you so much. They - they make me sick."

He didn't respond but I felt him relaxing, and after a few minutes I began humming a soft lullaby under my breath.

It wasn't particularly late, but the emotional strain had taken its toll on Spock and before long he was yawning and snuggling closer.

A hatred for the person who had caused Spock this much pain was raging through me, increased by the knowledge of all the other people they had hurt or killed.

With this my determination to get answers grew, and as soon as I could be sure that Spock was completely asleep, I pulled my communicator out.

I read and re-read all of the messages I had received from them, trying to find something, anything.

When I didn't find anything I decided to change tactics. I glanced at Spock guiltily but it only took a second to convince myself that I was doing the right thing, so I went ahead and opened a new message.

Who are you?

A/N
How are the laptops, phones and walls doing?