I'll Save You - Spirk

Chapter Thirty Two

*Jim's POV*

As soon as we closed the door behind us Spock caught me in a bone crushing hug.

"Spock, can't breathe" I gasped and he immediately released me. "I am so sorry Jim, are you okay?" He worried and I grinned.

"Don't worry, you didn't break anything." I joked but his face fell. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I am sorry"

"Don't worry, I'm fine" I told him softly and pulled him back into a hug, which he returned ridiculously carefully.

"I am sorry Jim. I just - so many people were injured, so many died Jim.What if it was you? What if there is another attack, and you do not survive?" His voice pleaded for me to understand, and I got it. The thought that Spock could have been hurt has been haunting my mind all day.

"I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." I told him and he nodded, but didn't look particularly convinced.

I drew away from his slightly shaking form and his eyes widened as I touched the hem of his shirt.

"Jim, don't" he pleaded and tried to move my hands away, but I ignored his protests and lifted it up a bit, revealing exactly what I suspected.

Three neat cuts, fresh.

I let his shirt drop again and closed my eyes in anger. This is all my fault, I shouldn't have left him alone after he admitted that he was triggered by the attack.

"Jim, I'm sorry. Please, don't be angry" he pleaded and I opened my eyes in surprise.

Spock was cringing away from me with a look of pure terror on his face.

"Spock" I sighed and reached a hand out to him. Instead of reassuring him like I want to, this action just appeared to frighten him even more.

He flinched away and raised his arms to protect his face, turning away from me slightly.

I paused in horror, how can I comfort him - make him feel better - when he's terrified of me? When he thinks I could actually hurt him?!?

Spock's eyes opened slightly and he glanced at me briefly, cringing away again when he saw my hand was still outstretched.

"Spock" I whispered and even I could hear how ridiculously heart broken I sounded. "I'm not going to hurt you. I could never hurt you"

He didn't relax his tense position but he did look at me again, his eyes darting nervously between my face and my hand.

I edged my hand painfully slowly towards his face, he fixed his eyes on it but stayed completely still as I moved closer.

I brushed his cheek with my fingertips gently and he looked confused. "I thought you were angry" he whispered, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

"I am, but not at you - never at you Spock. I'm angry at myself" I told him. "You do know I would never hurt you, right? Even if I was angry with you I physically would not be able to lay a hand on you."

The fear slowly slipped out of his eyes and he relaxed completely, nuzzling his face into my hand and sighing.

"I know. I am sorry Jim, I am just having trouble adjusting. Sometimes I feel like you're too good to be true, and then I have trouble believing that it is real." He explained and took a small step towards me.

Satisfied that he didn't think I would hit him or anything anymore I took his hand and pulled him over to sit on the bed.

He leaned against the bed head and I lay between his legs, curled up against his chest.