I'll Save You - Spirk

Chapter Twenty Three

*Jim's POV*

They were finally releasing me from sickbay. I mean, come on! I have been awake and perfectly fine for a week now. Stupid rules and regulations.

I've always hated medical facilities, they're too clean and sterile.

"All the damn paperwork is finally done. Are you ready to go?" Bones grumbled as he approached me.

Despite his grumbling Bones looked relieved, it had been close, closer then I would like to admit.

I agreed firmly and we left the sick bay to go back to our dorm.

Thankfully the walk was short, even though I said I was completely fine the spot where I got stabbed hurt like a bitch.

The first thing I did when we entered the room was check my communicator.

No messages.

I felt a wave of disappointment, although I don't know what I expected. In fact I would have been more surprised if there had been a message from Spock.

"Nothing?" Bones asked sympathetically, sitting on his bed as I sank into mine.

"What do you mean?" I tried to hide my misery but probably failed epically.

"I'm not stupid you know" now he sounded more like himself "It's always been Spock this and Spock that, you light up like a damn Christmas tree every time you seen him. Then you go off world with him, come back injured, he doesn't visit you and you don't mention him"

He doesn't visit you. Those words really struck a nerve. No, Spock hadn't come to see me, at least not while I was awake.

Does he really despise me that much after what happened?

I felt the ache in my chest that had become a constant companion since the little kiss that apparently destroyed our friendship, not to mention any hope that I might have harboured that our relationship might become something more.

"Jim?" Bone's voice was soft, all traces of his usual grumpiness gone "what happened out there?"

I blinked back the sudden tears that sprung to my eyes, I'm James Kirk, I don't cry.

"Your my best friend Jim, trust me" he implored when I didn't say anything.

I lost my battle and the tears began flowing silently. Bones let out a soft noise of surprise and came to sit next to me, rubbing my shoulder comfortingly.

I make no sound as I cried, and he didn't push me to talk.

After a while I ran out of tears. "It was just after we escaped" I began "we were hiding, there wasn't much room. Then I - I kissed him Bones! You should have seen how quickly he got away from me, he barely looked at me after" my chest ached worse then ever and I clutched it, desperate to make the pain go away.

"He didn't leave your side when you first got here - before you woke up" Bones told me quietly, as if he was afraid I would start crying again. "He didn't even sleep, he was really worried"

"Then why wasn't he there when I woke up?" I asked brokenly. Seriously, why am I this upset? I know I really liked Spock, even before I developed feelings for him, but this was like my own soul had rejected me.

"Maybe he was afraid" Bones suggested hesitantly.

I laughed dryly and Bones frowned "I'm serious, I think you should go talk to him"

I shook my head violently "I can't" I felt Bones drawing himself up. "Yes you can! And damn it James, you will talk to each other - even if I have to drag you over there and chain you together!" he half shouted.

I cringed, having no doubt he would carry his threat out if I refused "okay okay, I will go talk to him" I agreed reluctantly "but in the morning okay? It's late and I need some rest" I wasn't lying, I felt like shit - but I was mostly just buying time.

Bones glared, all sympathy gone "fine, but I will make sure you go - no more excuses"

Nothing more was said as we both got into bed, and in the darkness I wrapped my arms around myself and let myself feel the true extent of how much I missed my Vulcan.