After Andy (#6 in the 'Outcast' Series)

Chapter 26

Chapter 26:

-6 Years Prior-

Andy's Point of View:

I closed my bedroom door, going over to my desk and sitting down. I was currently the only one home which wasn't too bad; Juliet had had to go and take care of something and she'd be back later on tonight, so for now I had the house to myself, as my parents were both out at work.

I logged myself onto my computer, watching as it loaded, my background appearing; I really needed to change that. I quickly changed it to one of the pictures I had of me and Juliet, a bit of a smile appearing on my face as I looked at it; it was probably my favourite one.

I switched the webcam on, leaning back in my seat and seeing as it started recording; this was why I was glad that I was the only one home. I wouldn't've had the chance if someone else was here, even my parents. I never did this when anyone else was in the house unless it was late at night, namely two or three in the morning.

I looked at the webcam, trying to build up the courage to say what I needed to say.

"So, I'm gonna address this to you Matt," I began, looking down. "I'm gonna be sending this directly to you and I want you to watch it; I want you to listen to what I have to say and I want you to get rid of this once you've watched it. I don't really want anyone else to see this, which is the reason I'm addressing this solely to you."

I forced myself to look up again, feeling as a few tears threatened to make themselves known; I wasn't about to stop it this time and it wasn't the first time I'd cried in one of these.

"So as you know, there's been a lot of shit going on recently," I continued, once again looking away. "I don't know when I'll be back at school; I'm not long outta the hospital due to everything, but at this point I dunno when I'm gonna be coming back; guess it depends on when I'm feeling up to it. If I feel up to it.

"There's some stuff I really need to talk to you about; I know we haven't had the best friendship and we've sorta always been up and down with each other because of different views and just general conflicts, which means you're probably really wondering why I'm making this video for you to see and I'm not addressing this to someone like Ashley.

"I really don't want anyone else to see this; I'm trusting you with this Matt. This video is directed at you and you alone; get rid of it once you've seen it. If you can do that then I'll be happy...so to say."

I paused, taking a bit of a breath before looking directly into the webcam and forcing myself to continue.

"I need you to help me," I said, keeping eye contact with the webcam. "You're the only one that I can entrust with this; I can't ask Ashley, I can't ask Vic, I can't ask anyone but you for this. There's something I need you to do for me; I need your help.

"So as you've probably already guessed, I'm not exactly...mentally stable. I'm pretty damn fucked up and I'm sick of it. I've just spent weeks in the hospital because of what Eddie did and I'm slowly going insane; nothing is working out and I just want this to stop."

I sighed, running my hands down my face and breaking the contact with the webcam. I rested my arms on the desk, pulling myself forwards so that there wasn't as much space between me and the desk.

"I'm just tired Matt; I'm so fucking tired," I said with a shake of my head. "Everyone thinks I'm alright, but the truth is, I haven't been alright for a long time and they can't see that; no-one can...

"You're probably one of the only people to really see it; that's why I need your help. Why I'm entrusting you with this; I need you to help me out. You're probably wondering what I need help with, so I'll explain it to you. I need that push; just one thing to make me do it; I wanna do it so badly but I can't make myself; I'm just in this constant battle with myself, trying to pressure myself to go through with it but I just can't and it's making me feel even fucking worse about all of this. This' where you come in."