After Andy (#6 in the 'Outcast' Series)

Chapter 65

Chapter 65:

-6 Years Prior-

Matt's Point of View:

Brian appeared at the door, a rather pissed off look on his face as he saw me. He came over, stopping at the end of the hospital bed.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he snapped, making me look away. "What the hell is wrong with you Matt?"

I stayed quiet, knowing that he was rather upset with me. It wasn't often that Brian raised his voice, but he had every reason to right now.

"Trying to fucking drown yourself? What the hell was going through your fucking head?" Brian said harshly, his voice still raised; he was almost shouting and I saw a few people out at the floor reception look over. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Y'know you shouldn't really be yelling at someone who's just tried to kill themselves," I stated quietly, still not game enough to meet his gaze.

"Does it look like I fucking care right now Matt?" Brian snapped. "Does it seriously look like I give a fuck about what you want right now? You want me to stop yelling at you, well good fucking luck with that because it's not gonna happen! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry," I tried, still avoiding his gaze.

"Damn fucking right you're sorry!" Brian finally shouted, everyone in reception looking over again. "I am so fucking mad at you right now Matt; I am just so fucking angry. What the hell was going through your head, huh? Why did you think it was a fucking great idea to try and fucking kill yourself!"

"Brian, I'm really sorry."

"Y'know what, I don't really fucking care that you're sorry; I really couldn't care less right now," Brian snapped, holding his hand up to make me shut up because he didn't want me to talk again just yet. "I don't wanna fucking hear it Matthew. What is wrong with you? Why? You know you can't just fucking do this to me; to any of us. You really think it's ok to do this kinda thing Matt? Seriously? You have to talk to someone before this happens; fucking talk to me! Talk to Jimmy or Zacky, or Val or fucking someone! I don't care who, just fucking talk!"

He shook his head and I looked up finally, seeing the tears running down his face as he looked at me. It was very rare that Brian cried but this was clearly enough to tip him off the edge.

"You cut yourself off from everyone – from me – and then I get a call from Val telling me that you've tried to fucking drown yourself? Drown yourself Matt; what the hell?" he continued, his voice raised again. "Why? Val said she had to pull you out of the Goddamn bathtub and then she couldn't wake you up. I don't fucking get it; I don't fucking understand!"

"I deserve to be dead," I said, looking away from him again as he started shaking his head, that anger returning.

"Don't you fucking dare," he warned, pointing at me accusingly as I shifted slightly. "Don't you fucking dare!"

"What?" I asked, my voice raised a bit more now as I switched my gaze back to him. "It's true Brian; no-one fucking wants me here anyway so why should I fucking bother anymore?"

"Shut up!" Brian shouted, once again getting the attention of a few people out at reception; it was dead quiet apart from Brian yelling at me. "You shut your fucking mouth; how dare you say that to me. How fucking dare you! Are you fucking serious? No-one wants you here? That make me a fucking no-one? Zacky and Jimmy a fucking no-one? Your parents? Your Goddamn sister! What is wrong with you Matt? What the hell is wrong with you? How dare you."