After Andy (#6 in the 'Outcast' Series)

Chapter 68

Chapter 68:

"Hey Corey, it's Ashley. Look, I just wanted to letcha know that I've got a full day tomorrow and by the looks of it I won't be able to stop by. I'm really sorry but you know that if there's anything you wanna talk about, you can just pick up the phone and call, ok? I'll talk to you later; take care of yourself."

I hung up, having left my message. Brian was out at the moment and as far as I was aware, he was down at the gym again with Matt. It was getting late and I was trying to decide whether or not it was worth going to bed or just staying awake like Matt had been planning on.

We had an early flight and I'd only get a few hours if I went to bed now, but that was looking like the better idea right now. I probably wouldn't even be able to stay up all night.

I felt bad about the fact that I wouldn't be able to see Corey while we were in New York tomorrow but it was going to be a bit before we really even got another day off. I was sure Corey would be fine without me; he'd already lasted this long.

***

"Well Ashley, this tour is gonna be coming to an end very soon," Brian said, making me look to him. "You've functioned well over the past few weeks so I think it's gone well. Looking forward to going home?"

I gave a shrug. Time had gone by rather fast and we only had two weeks left to go before the end. In a way I wanted to go home, but part of me also didn't want to.

"I guess so," I said in response, Brian's expression showing that he didn't believe me. I shrugged again. "I wanna go home but I don't."

Brian gave a nod this time. "I getcha."

I gave a brief nod in return before I looked around, not really having anything to do at the current time. We were currently down in California, so I was looking forward to seeing Jinxx either later on today or early tomorrow, as we had two days off before we had to keep moving. Brian and I were currently in a tattoo parlour, as Brian had wanted to get something done and apparently he'd booked in a couple of weeks prior when he'd had the chance.

Now here we were. He'd dragged me along because he'd wanted someone to talk to because he didn't want to try and make small talk with the artist that would be doing the work and now I was stuck here with him for the next few hours, which wasn't that bad thankfully. He had certainly been insistent on me tagging along everywhere he went. We'd already been here for roughly an hour.

It'd been a while since I'd been in a tattoo parlour. I either hadn't wanted to get anything done or I'd had too much to do and hadn't had the time.

"When was the last time you got a tattoo or anything done?" Brian asked, making me look to him.

He indicated for me to hand him the already half-empty packet of candies that he'd brought with him; they were sour and I didn't know why the hell he liked them.

"It's been at least a year and a half, maybe nearly two years," I said, doing as asked and handing the packet to him. "Also, how the hell do you even like those? They're not good at all."

Brian looked to me.

"Thing is, I don't like them," he said, making me frown. "But it gives me something to take my mind off what's really happening. It's all a distraction and it works every time because you're too busy with how bad these taste and you're not concentrating on the pain from the tattoo."

"Smart."

Brian gave a nod, handing the packet back to me. I reluctantly took it back.

"The more ink you get, the more tricks you learn," he commented, looking at what the artist was doing. He looked back to me. "You clearly don't get enough done to know any tricks. You should get something done while we're here. We have all day."

I shook my head. "I'm fine; I don't like doing these kinds of things spare of the moment if you know what I mean."

"You prefer to plan them and I completely get that," Brian said. "I plan mine most times; obviously there's the occasion where I get roped into getting something done but I haven't regretted any yet so I think I'm doing kinda ok."

I smiled in amusement, Brian smiling back.

"So anyway," he continued, not giving me any time to say anything, though I didn't have much to say today. "I noticed that Juliet has Andy's name tattooed on her shoulder; tribute I assume?"

I gave a nod to confirm his question and statement.

"Yeah," I said. "She wanted to get it done so she did. I don't have any issues with it."

"Wouldn't think you would," Brian said. "You have anything for him in amongst everything you've had done?"

I shook my head.

"No," I admitted, looking down as Brian watched me. "I haven't got anything. Why do you ask?"

"How come? Just curious."

I shrugged this time.

"I dunno, just don't I guess," I said. "As bad as it sounds, it never really crossed my mind to get anything done. I know people usually do when someone close to them dies or something happens to them, but I dunno, I just never did. What about you? You have anything like that for anyone you know?"

Brian shook his head.

"No," he said. "Hope it's a long time before I have to get anything like that done honestly. I mean, I know shit happens all the time and no-one ever thinks it'll happen to them which is why I shouldn't go and say that it won't happen to me, because you never know. The world is unpredictable."

"That it is," I agreed.

Brian looked me over briefly as he thought.

"For all I know, someone I know could be crossing the road today or tomorrow and get hit by a car or something," he continued on, his mind clearly on the subject of the world being unpredictable. "Someone could fall down the stairs, you never truly know."

I gave a nod but didn't say anything. Brian spoke again.

"How're Andy's parents?" he asked suddenly, making me look to him with a bit of surprise, having been caught off guard. "He has a sister, right?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, Dani," I said, Brian nodding. "She'll be six next July. I dunno, his parents are ok I guess. Chris seems to just...exist half the time now. I dunno."

"That's his dad, yeah?" I nodded, Brian nodding back. "His mom handling things a bit better?"

I nodded again. "Yeah, she's dealt with it a bit more but I know she still won't ever truly get over it. Losing a kid, no matter how old they are isn't ever easy."

"I doubt it'd ever be easy for anyone."

I shrugged, speaking again.

"I know it sounds kinda...bad, but in a way I'm kinda glad that Dani didn't have to see everything that Andy was going through," I said, Brian staying quiet. "Easier that she didn't know him than lose him when she could remember it, y'know? I'm just...glad she didn't have to go through it all. It's always harder when you knew them."

"Does she actually know what happened to Andy?" Brian asked, making me shake my head.

"She's no idea," I said. "But for now I think that's the best thing for her; she's still too young to really understand. She'll eventually start to question it and I'm pretty sure I'll be the one that has to explain it all to her, but she has a right to know. Right now all she knows is that he's not around."

"It'd be real hard to tell someone."

I nodded.

"Yeah, I dunno how it's gonna go down but hopefully it'll be fine," I said. "Won't have to worry about that for a while though. But how the hell do you tell someone that their brother isn't around because he killed himself? How do you even phrase that?"

Brian shrugged. "Honestly Ashley, I really don't know. But if you need help with it, call me or Matt because I'm sure Matt won't say no to helping you out and I know I certainly won't."

"I appreciate it. Won't have to worry about it for a while though."