Brandon POV
Every day of my life now was just going through the motions. I wasn't happy or sad, just numb to life. I got up every morning and got dressed. I dropped Colleen off at daycare and went to work and every night coming home and taking a drink. it had been almost two months since Callie died and Colleen was fast approaching her third birthday. I didn't know how to get past this, to move on from this pain I felt. Part of me couldn't let go of the hurt I was feeling, good or bad it was all I had left of Callie and letting it go meant letting her go.
Brandon- Colleen! time for you to go to bed
Colleen- can you read me a story?
Brandon- not tonight, its late..
Colleen- why did mommy leave us?
Brandon- well.. um.. mommy got sick
Colleen- I miss her..
Brandon- me too
Colleen- do you think she misses us?
Brandon- yeah.. I'm sure she does
After I put Colleen to bed I headed back downstairs and had a drink. After a few hours it turned into a bunch of empty bottles surrounding me.
The next morning I woke up on the couch to my mom shaking me.
Stef- Brandon! Brandon wake up!
Brandon- what.. what are you doing here?
Stef- Colleen was screaming when I came in here and your passed out on the couch!
Brandon- I'm sorry..
Stef- no Brandon, no.. this is not okay
Brandon- I'm doing the best I can
Stef- well that's not good enough, you can't just get drunk every night.. you have a daughter to take care of
Brandon- drinking is the only thing that makes me feel better
Stef- oh.. Brandon
Brandon- you know sometimes when I'm drunk.. I can almost feel her, but then I wake up and.. shes still gone
Stef- Callie wouldn't want you to be living like this Brandon, you can't afford to be doing this you have a daughter who needs you.. Colleen is a living part of Callie
Brandon- I don't know how to get over this..
Stef- it not about getting over it, its.. its about learning to live with it
Mom pulled out an envelope and handed it to me.
Stef- here.. you read this well I go check on Colleen
She left the room and I turned the envelope over. My name was printed on the front in Callie's handwriting. I opened it and read it silently.
Brandon,
If your reading this note its because your mom thought you needed to hear from me. I prayed she would never need to give it to you but I thought you might have some trouble after my death. It hurts me to think that when my pain and suffering ends yours will begin. You have so much life ahead of you, Brandon. Colleen needs you and I need to know that you are taking care of her, so stop grieving and start living! All that is important now Brandon is that you find yourself again.
I love you, Callie
