feel ➳ post malone [IN EDITING]

01

"And you're sure you remembered everything?" My mom asks as I drag the last bit of luggage into where I'll be living for the foreseeable future.

"Yes ma'am," I nod to her as she and my dad stand in the doorway of the small, halfway filled dorm room. The lighting is sterile, not helping the bright white walls look inviting. The low pile carpet is a stark contrast to the rest of the otherwise plain room, sprawling across the floor in a burgundy shade.

"Okay then, your dad and I will be on our way," my mom smiles. My mom saunters over to me and kisses my forehead. Even across the room, my father's presence is somehow always warmer than my mother's who is standing directly in front of me. "You know the rules."

"Focus on myself and school. Nothing else," I breathe in her Chanel N°5 perfume as she pulls me in for a hug. This is how it's always been, for as long as I can remember. Education above everything else. Even when she'd stay up all night micromanaging my middle school science projects or proofreading an essay I wrote a hundred times.

"Good girl," she says, pulling away and patting my cheek. "Work hard. It's already bad enough you're working towards a degree in something so futile."

"Sierra," My dad finally speaks up, warning my mother to back down. He steps in front of her and places the ends of my hair behind my shoulders, smiling down at me. "I think journalism suits you, Olivia. You're a very talented writer."

"Thank you, dad. Seriously," I smile, pulling him in for a hug. I notice he squeezes extra hard. It's then that I'm hit with the realization that I'm about to be on my own for the first time. Without my dad, my best friend. I pull away from him before I begin to cry and turn to my mom. "I promise I'm not going to let you down, mom. I plan on working very hard. You know I will."

"Hmm, well we can only hope," she gives me a condescending smile that tells me she doesn't believe me whatsoever. I told my mom I wanted to be a veterinarian one time as a child and she ran with it. I also wanted to be a scuba diver, a singer, and a train conductor. Those never seem to stick the way anything medical ever did. I know my mom has good intentions and only wants me to make something of myself, but it can be draining trying to keep up with the silent expectations she has of me. "Goodbye, sweetheart."

"I love you both," I say in between one last hug from each of them before they leave the room, closing the door behind them.

This is it.

I look at the twin bed on my claimed side of the room along with the barren walls, and everything I need to put away, and sigh. For a moment I miss the dusty pink walls and the floral duvet I know are waiting for me in my childhood bedroom. The window I'd sit in mostly every night to read, or the bookshelf beside my closet overflowing with my collection of mugs and 2000s movies. I shake my thoughts away and force myself to bring everything positive to the forefront of my mind. New experiences, new beginnings, new life.

I unpack my things slowly and for the first time, I allow myself to wonder where my roommate is. The good news is I'm now the welcoming committee, something I was very nervous about. I shrug and begin to try to make my side of the dorm look as presentable as possible before she gets here. Before I finish, the door is being flung open to reveal a gorgeous curly-haired girl clumsily dragging in her belongings.

"Here, let me help!" I offer, reaching for her navy blue suitcase that is unzipped at the top with red lace peeking out. Instead of allowing me to assist her, she unexpectedly pulls me in for a hug. A nervous chuckle escapes me, "Oh! Okay."

"Hi! You must be my roommate," she says once she pulls away, her bright white teeth shining gorgeously against her caramel skin. She leans one arm on the handle of her biggest suitcase and fixes her wild mane with the other. "I'm Randy. You?"