feel ➳ post malone [IN EDITING]

27

I woke up with my head pounding. In an unfamiliar room with Austin sitting in the corner in a computer chair.

"Good morning," he smiled at me. "Or good afternoon."

"What time is it?" I asked Austin through squinted eyes. Ew at hangovers. "And how long have you been watching me sleep?"

"12:25," he looked at his phone. "And since about 11:30."

"Creep," I threw a pillow at him. He caught it and laughed. "So this is your room?"

"What? Oh. No," he shook his head. "This is Taylor's old room. It's a spare room now. He moved into Lenny's room after we kicked him out."

"Oh, alright," I nodded. I faintly remembered him telling me I could sleep in his room. This room had blue walls. It wasn't anything special, that's for sure.

"Do you remember anything from last night?" He questioned.

"No," I shook my head as I chuckled. "Why? What did I do?"

"Well for starters, you asked to have sex with me," he smirked. Oh no.

"What? Oh God. I don't even remember it. I hate myself. We did it? Oh my G-," I started to panic but he cut me off.

"Liv, calm down," he laughed. "We didn't have sex."

"Oh thank God," I sighed in relief. "Not that I wouldn't like to one day, it's just that I would prefer to remember it."

"I'm not going to have sex with you," he shook his head. My heart sank. What is so bad about me?

We were silent for what seemed like forever before I spoke up.

"But why not, Austin?" I asked him and he looked up at me. I was still lying in the bed. He was sitting in the chair. "Why will you have sex with other girls but not me?"

He didn't answer me. He just looked around the room.

"I don't understand what's so bad about me. I just want to know why I'm not good enough for you," I said quietly, not expecting a response at all.

"That's the thing, Liv," he said after a long pause. "You're too good for me. I don't want to ruin you."

"What do you mean?" I shook my head in confusion. He got up and sat on the edge of the bed by me. "You aren't going to ruin me."

"I'm a bad person when it comes to being with girls," he sighed. "I don't mean to be but relationships are not my forte. And I care about  you and how you are. I can't let you get hurt just because I'm a dumbass that doesn't understand shit."

"Then why are we even wasting each other's time?" I huffed. "I don't know what your intentions are with me, but I'm not sure if I can do this. I obviously don't know anything about relationships either, but I had the slightest hope that you and I could figure it out together."

"I'm sorry, Olivia," he shook his head. How could that be all he said?

"No, I'm sorry. Sorry for thinking you actually liked me. I don't even know what you got out of this," I shrugged. "I don't know why you keep on pretending if you know this isn't going anywhere."

"I want to be around you," he got closer to me. I could feel his breath on my lips. "I'm just so selfish. I can't stand being away from you."

I gulped as his lips pressed softly against mine, moving in perfect time together. He grabbed the back of my head and pulled me closer, deepening the kiss. I pulled away shortly after though.

"I can't," I breathed, looking at him. "I wish I were like you. I wish I didn't have feelings. I wish I could just turn off my emotions but I can't. It's obvious that I care about you. I hate it but I do. And I'm so sorry but I can't help it."

"Olivia, look at me," he placed his hand under my chin. "I truly care about you. But I can't hurt you. And I know I will."

"You make me feel alive, Austin," I looked into his eyes. "And part of living means going through rough times. I don't care if you think you'll break my heart, or whatever. Just let me in, Austin."

"Please just trust me," he said, his eyes glistening with the threat of tears. "I'm no good for you."

"Don't you think I know that?" I asked in a slightly louder tone. I wanted to gag at the cliché but he made it believable. "I know. But for some stupid reason, it makes me want you even more."

"I can't do this, Olivia," he said, getting off of the bed.

"What are you so afraid of?" I asked him. I was curious. What did he have to lose? It was me at a loss.

"Loving you."

a/n: hahaha y'all THOUGHT you were gonna find out what was in austin's room. hmm, maybe soon. ;-))

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