feel ➳ post malone [IN EDITING]

20

I sat on the bench I grew so fondly of, reading Eleanor and Park.

"You ever gonna get tired of that book?" I heard a voice ask. I looked up and seen Austin. Even though I told him to not come back.

"No," I said, continuing to read the book I had memorized. "But I am tired of you. Why are you here?"

"Because I wanted to apologize to Parker but I don't know where to find him," He said, sticking his hands in his front pockets.

"You? You want to apologize?" I let out a chuckle. "If that's true, you know where he lives. Just go away."

"Look, Olivia. I know I don't deserve it," he sighed, sitting down next to me. I cringed. "But I came here to talk to you."

"You made it pretty clear that I don't matter," I scoffed, still reading.

"Olivia," He said deeply. "Can we go somewhere?"

"You can talk to me right here. I can't promise I'll listen though," I shrugged. It was so hard to say no to him.

"Olivia," He repeated my name. I finally sat my book down and looked at him. It was no secret I had feelings for him. How could I not?

"Fine. Where do you want to go?" I huffed.

"We can go to my house," He suggested. "Or wherever you're comfortable."

"If we go to your house, don't try to touch me," I stated, getting off of the bench and walking to his car that was parked by the curb. He followed behind me and got in after I did.

The ride was silent, besides the background music playing. I had never heard the song before but I liked it.

We got to his house and I got out of the car, grabbing my book in case we fought, which was likely.

Once we were inside, he threw his keys on the coffee table and sat down on the couch. I sat down too, the middle cushion separating us. He huffed and then turned to me.

"I know I deserve for you to be a bitch to me, but will you please listen to me?" He asked. I held my book against me and looked around the living room.

"I'm here, aren't I?" I asked, not making eye contact with him.

"There's no way I can leave you alone and I have no idea why," He shook his head. "I like you, Olivia."

"You don't know me," I said, still not looking at him. "So you can't like me."

But I liked Austin and I barely knew him. I knew about him. I knew I couldn't keep him out of my life. I knew that he didn't care about me. And I knew I was destined for heartbreak.

"Can we start over? Forget everything happened?" He asked. "Let me show you that I'm not always an asshole."

I looked up at him finally. How could I be so sure that he meant what he said? I couldn't be and maybe that's what I loved the most about this situation. He wasn't predictable when everything else in my life was. 

"Why me?" I asked him. "Why are you trying so hard to get me when you can have any of the girls you always compare me to?"

"I don't want them," He said abruptly.

"What makes you want me?" I scoffed.

"I always feel... empty. Not depressed. Not sad. I just don't feel anything," he looked over at me with the pair of the most beautiful blue eyes I'd ever seen. "That's why I have sex all the time, so I can feel something."

"I don't care about sex, Austin! That's it, I'm leaving," I said, getting up and walking towards the door.

"Then I met you," he said. I could hear the leather couch move as he got up. I stopped in my tracks, my back facing him. I was anxious to hear what he was going to say next. "And all of a sudden, sex didn't hold a light to what you made me feel. You've made me angry, upset, happy, and yeah, even jealous."

I turned back to face him, not exactly sure where all of this was coming from. But I can't say that I minded. I felt that way too.

"But what you made me feel the most was wanted," He said. I couldn't believe he was saying this, somehow putting into words the crazy emotions I've been feeling. "You care about me. I don't care what you say, I know you do. Just like I care about you. I know I try to deny it, but I can't anymore."

"Austin," I said walking towards him. "I know I care about you. A whole lot. A-nd you have made me an entirely different person. I get so happy when I think about you and the things we've done together, but-."

"But what?" He cut me off. "Why is there a but?"

"Because we aren't right for each other," I said, tears forming in my eyes. I'm a crybaby. "How could we ever figure this out?"

"I don't know," he shrugged in defeat. "But I'm willing to figure it out with you, and me standing here saying that to a girl I just met two months ago says a lot."

"And what if this doesn't go how you planned?" I asked him.

"Jesus Christ, Olivia, live a little," he smiled at me and stepped towards me. "I don't want to plan this out. I want to take it slow with you. Nothing like this could ever be planned out."

Despite telling him not to touch me, I leaned in and crashed my lips into his. He immediately kissed back, pushing my hair out of my face.

Kissing led to touching and touching led to us on the couch, barely clothed.

"Take me up to your room," I breathed in between kisses.

"I, uh-," he stuttered, pulling away from me. "Not my room."

"Why are you so weird about you room?" I laughed. "Is it super messy?"

"No," he shook his head, smiling. "It's just really personal to me. I don't like people going in there."

"Okay," I nodded."Personal space, I understand."

"Thank you," he chuckled, kissing me again. "It's getting late, we probably need to get you back to the dorms."

"Yeah, I agree," I said, sitting up and grabbing my shirt off of the back of the couch. I slid it over me and looked at him, kissing him once more. His hand rested on my thigh in the most chaste way.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but all I knew was that I didn't regret doing it one bit.

a/n: finally a chapter where austin is a MAN. yes sister!

so i'm really sorry that this book is going so slow but mama is trying her best! thanks for the continuous support! luv u guys!