feel ➳ post malone [IN EDITING]

37

make you feel my love // glee

Words I say don't
Always come out right,
And they always seem
To start a fight.
I know what I say and do
Can hurt you,
And believe me,
I don't mean to.
The last thing I want to
See is you sad
Just because I can't
Control myself
When I get mad.
I know all you want
From me is my best,
But being without you
Has put that to rest.

I read the poem that had been just slid under my dorm room door. I knew Austin was on the other side of that door waiting on me to open it and kiss him. But I didn't. I folded the paper up and put it in my drawer.

I laid down on my bed and cried, eventually falling asleep.

After about an hour nap, I woke up. I decided to go outside and read. Eleanor and Park were my saviors. I got up and fixed my hair so it didn't look so messy. I put on my shoes then grabbed my earbuds and my book, beginning to walk out the door.

I opened it and seen Austin sitting on the floor by my door. He looked up at me but I just continued walking.

"Liv, please," he said, getting up and following me. "I'm so sorry."

"Sorry for what? It's not like we're dating," I said, walking faster. Hopefully he'd get the hint to leave me alone.

"Olivia, seriously," he sighed. "Please just listen to me."

"No thanks," I replied, pushing the door to go out of the building. He followed of course.

"Just let me explain," He pleaded.

"How can you explain that?!" I turned around and looked at him as we exited the building. "You got mad at me and had sex with Zoe? That's all the explaining you can do."

"She doesn't mean anything to me," He said, tears forming in his eyes. "Not like you do."

"I obviously don't mean a lot to you," I told him.

"You mean the fucking world to me, Olivia," He cried. "I fucking hate it, but God dammit, you do. I hate how happy I get when you're around and how sad I get when you're gone."

"Then why did you do it, Austin?" I asked in a broken tone. Because that's what I was. Broken.

"Zoe is how I've gotten my anger out for the three years I've been here," He shook his head. "When I tell you I don't know how this love thing works, I mean it. I'm so fucking dumb for letting her come over when she called. I know. But I was angry and I don't think straight when I'm mad."

"S-She called you?" I questioned. He nodded. "That little- She is so fake."

"What?" He questioned.

"She came in the bathroom with me at the Mainland concert and told me she was going to leave you alone because you seemed to like me so much," I scoffed. "Unbelievable. Both of you."

"I'm so sorry, Liv," Austin looked at the ground. "I'm so fucking stupid."

"You're right," I nodded.

"If I could change everything, I would," He said. I chuckled.

"Yeah, I would, too," I said.

"I'm never talking to her again," he told me. "I've already blocked her number and blocked her on Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, Facebook, everything."

"Why?" I asked him. "You're just going to call her when things get rough again."

"No, I'm not," He closed his eyes, trying not to get mad. "God, I just-You've made me a better person, Olivia. I had no intentions of throwing what you and I have away for a girl who drops everything she's doing to come fuck me."

"What do we have, Austin?" I asked him. "We are always fighting. Always. I tell you I love you all the time and you just look at me. I understand, I do. But maybe show me that you're trying to love me."

"I have no idea how to even begin to love you like you deserve," he sighed. "But I promise you that I'm not going to stop until you realize I care more about you than I do anyone."

"Austin, if you cared about me, you wouldn't have had sex with another girl," I stared at him. "And you can't even ask me to be your girlfriend? Boy, that would clear up a lot of thoughts that are going on in my head."

"The timing isn't right, Olivia," He told me. "And I didn't have sex with her. We just- yeah."

"You're lying," I shook my head.

"I have no reason to lie to you," he looked at me.

"Then why didn't you tell me that in the first place?" I questioned.

"Because it doesn't matter," he huffed. "I still done something and it isn't right."

"Exactly," I looked away.

"I have never begged anyone to stay in my life," a tear fell from his eye. "But, Liv, I am begging you. Please don't leave."

"I need some time," I shook my head. "Just go. Please."

Austin nodded and walked past me down the sidewalk to his car. I couldn't tell you how badly I wanted to forgive him, because that's just who I am, but I didn't. I couldn't.

I sat down on the bench and opened my book, putting my music on shuffle as well. Rag Doll came on and I immediately thought of Austin singing it to me in the car. I shook the thought away and continued reading.

I didn't know how any of this would work out, or if it even would. All I know is that I love Austin. Even though he hurt me, all I want to do is make him feel better.

This shouldn't be the case. I wanted to hate him. Truly. But my heart and mind weren't letting me. I wanted to leave him alone forever. But I couldn't.

a/n: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO AUSTIN!!!! i'm so in love w him ugh. fml.

also i know you're all mad at me right now and i'm sorry. :-(

(that song at the top makes me so sad omfg. who is a gleek? i'm a major one bye.)

((poem used is by casey lee watson))