feel ➳ post malone [IN EDITING]

49

sweet creature // harry styles

I was proud of myself. I didn't give in to Austin last night. He asked me to stay but I didn't and in my eyes, that's a huge accomplishment for me.

Not that I didn't want to see Austin, because I did, but I knew that if I would've stayed the night, it would've ended in us having sex and me hating myself for it.

I laid on my bed in my room, The Strokes playing through my record player. I didn't mind spending time alone as long as I spent it like this.

The mellow music played as I laid on my back in my bed. I tapped to the beat on my stomach as my eyes closed. My phone chimed, though, interrupting my thoughts.

Austin: I can't stop thinking about you no matter how hard I try. I miss you.
Liv: I miss you too.
Austin: Come see me.
Liv: Where are you?
Austin: On top of the world.

I sighed and got out of bed. Should I go see him? Everything but my common sense was pulling me towards him. I didn't know a thing about what I felt towards Austin but I did know that I couldn't keep being whatever we were. I needed more.

But if I wanted more from him, I had to go see him eventually. I needed to let him try even though I had no faith that he would give me what I ask.

So I decided to go. I knew I had given Austin too many chances but I had to remember where his heart was. He didn't have a clue about anything and neither did I.

When I got into the building, I done the usual and got on the elevator, making my way to the maintenance door. When I got to the rooftop, Austin was sitting way too close to the edge.

"Austin, back up," I told him, walking towards him. His head turned to look at me and he slid back and stood up.

"Don't worry about me," he smiled, walking towards me. "I do it all the time."

"Can you not?" I asked. "Especially when no one is up here."

"Babe, I'm not gonna fall," he chuckled. I didn't find it funny.

"You don't know that," I said. "Please don't do it."

"Okay, I won't," he said. "I'm glad you came up here."

"What can I say? I love a nice view," I smiled softly.

"Yeah, I do, too," He smirked. "Especially when that view is you."

"Why did you want me to come up here?" I questioned. I knew he said he missed me but that couldn't be the only reason.

"I just miss how we were when I was a good guy," He sighed. "I don't know where the guy you fell in love with went but I promise you he is back now."

"Austin, you are a good guy," I sighed. "You just don't know how to accept the fact people do care about you. And in turn of not accepting it, you hurt me."

"I know, Liv," he shook his head. "I know. And I promise you and my mom that I will never hurt you again."

"If we do try again, you're going to hurt me, just like I'll hurt you," I told him. "But what matters is how we handle it. And I don't think the right way is to call Zoe."

"I have no desire to have her in my life," he got closer to me. "It's you, Liv. And I hope it always will be."

"You have made it so hard for me to trust you," I said, a tear slipping down my cheek. "But I love you with my entire heart."

"I love you, too," he smiled. "More than anything. And that's real."

"Those are just words, Austin," I shook my head. "I want to know you mean it when you say that to me."

"Sometimes I can't control the things you make me feel," he threw his hands up and let them fall by his side as if to say he was defeated. "The thing is, I'm crazy with you and I'm crazy without you. And I don't care what happens in between."

"What does that mean?" I asked him. He stepped even closer to me.

"It means that even though I have no idea what you make me feel most of the time, I adore you more than you could ever know," He slipped his hands behind my neck and pulled me closer to him. "And with or without you, you drive me crazy so I don't care what happens in my life as long as you're in it."

I looked at him in the eyes for a second before closing mine and leaning up to kiss him. I never could quite understand the feeling I got when his lips pressed to mine or when his arms snaked around my waist. There weren't words for what Austin Post made me feel.

His kiss was soft at first which caused butterflies to take flight in my stomach. But eventually, his tongue fought mine for dominance. His hands traveled to my butt, squeezing me tightly. I was wearing a skirt so his fingers got closer to my heat every time he grabbed me.

My hands were around his neck now, kissing him like I hadn't tasted his lips in years. His fingers eventually grazed over my panties, rubbing me slightly.

"Let's go somewhere," He breathed against my lips. I knew he wanted to have sex and I was quite okay with it despite saying I'd hate myself if I gave in.

"Yeah," I nodded, breathing heavily.

"Where do you want to go?" He asked, adjusting himself in his jeans. He had gotten hard and that made me blush.

"Anywhere with you."

a/n: if y'all don't remember, austin said he wanted to go 'anywhere with you' to olivia in the beginning of the story so i though that would be a cute touch.

also i've been having some ROUGH times lately so i'm sorry the chapters aren't that great. writing helps me channel the hurt i've been feeling but for some reason i can't clear my head lately.