feel ➳ post malone [IN EDITING]

35

the scientist // corinne bailey rae

I woke up the next morning in Austin's room. With him next to me. I couldn't even begin to explain how beautiful he looked while he was sleeping. Like none of his troubles were awake either.

The curtains on the window in front of us didn't touch, causing a small ray of light to shine on Austin's face. I blushed thinking of what we shared last night.

Austin's hair was down in its naturally curly state and his lips were poked out. His brows weren't furrowed like they usually were. God, he's perfect.

I tried not to stare at him to avoid being creepy, but I just couldn't stop. I couldn't understand why God placed someone like him in my life. Someone so exquisite. Because, to be frank, I have no idea what to do with him.

"Stop staring at me," Austin said, startling me. He grabbed my sides and started tickling me.

"Austin!" I laughed as he continued tickling me. "Too early!"

"Is it?" He smiled, pulling me down on top of him. "What time is it? Don't you have classes?"

"It's only 7:20," I told him, kissing his cheek. We didn't get much sleep last night. "I don't have classes until after lunch."

"Good, so I can have you all day," he pulled me closer to him. Waking up today, everything was different. But a different that I wanted. This is the Austin that I want.

"Well, until 12:25," I shrugged, climbing off of him. I needed to get dressed but I slept in one of Austin's t-shirts and I really didn't want to take it off. I got dressed anyways.

"So about last night," he sighed. "I'm sorry if the things I told you, about my mom, made you feel weird. I don't want you to feel bad for me or anything like that."

"Austin, I loved hearing you talk about your mom. I see how much you loved her, and still do. It's nice to be able to talk about the person you do love," I told him with a smile.

"Olivia, don't say that," he huffed.

"What did I say?" I questioned.

"That she's the only person I love," he shook his head.

"Did I say it like it was a bad thing? No, I didn't. She's your mom, of course you love her," I explained to him.

"It just feels like you're trying to force me to tell you I love you," he admitted.

"What do you mean?" I raised my voice at him. I didn't get mad easily but he thinks I'm comparing myself to his mom and that isn't the case. "What I meant was that you're not exactly an easy nut to crack when it comes to love and I enjoy talking about the person you love the most. What is so bad about that?"

"Nothing, I guess," he sighed. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize," I sat next to him, leaning my head on his shoulder, kissing it softly. "I want to know more about her."

"Maybe one day," he patted my leg and then stood up, walking to his closet.

"Why are you mad at me?" I asked him. 

"I'm not fucking mad at you, Olivia!" he raised his voice as he turned around. "Jesus Christ, just shut up."

Tears filled my eyes. I wish I wasn't a crybaby but I was. I grabbed my purse off of the floor and put my shoes on.

"Where are you going?" He sighed. I could tell he was protective when it came to his mom but this was ridiculous. I didn't even do anything wrong.

"I'm obviously leaving," I told him, putting my purse across my body and pulling my hair out from it.

"Great, yeah. Just run away," he chuckled. I started crying for real.

"Last night should've never happened, you asshole," I looked at him, tears streaming down my cheeks. "Think about how you make other people feel for just one second."

"Fuck, Liv, I'm sorry," he sighed, walking towards me. I pulled away as he grabbed my arm.

"Every time I think I'm getting somewhere with you, every time I think everything is going perfect, you ruin it," I shook my head at him. "I'm the one person that is trying to love you and make you happy, but you just can't let me."

"Maybe because I know I don't deserve someone like you," he said quietly.

"I am so tired of your pity party," I scoffed. I wondered where this newfound bravery came from. "Stop telling me you're going to hurt me. I'm an adult. Obviously, I know you're going to hurt me. You do it a lot."

"I don't mean to," Austin stared at me, his blue eyes glazed with tears. "I just- I don't know how to react to you. It seems all I can do is push you away when all I want to do is pull you closer."

"You do a very good job of pushing me away," I said, looking down at the floor and shaking my head. "I can't do this forever."

"Do what?" He asked.

"I can't keep trying to fight to feel important to you," I told him. "It's so exhausting. Do you want me in your life or not, Austin?"

"Yes. I do, Olivia. More than anything," he nodded.

"Then start fucking acting like it."

a/n: WE LOOOOVE A BAD BITCH WHO SPEAKS HER MIND!!!

tbh i'm so tired of austin being a lil dick & fighting with olivia every time they finally seem happy omg. hopefully she can fight that side of him & win ya know ?

also, i asked you guys some questions about the book & i will take all of the opinions & suggestions into consideration for future chapters!

you guys are the B E S T.