feel ➳ post malone [IN EDITING]

39

the only reason // 5sos
(listen to this one from austin's pov. i'm crying lololol.)

Time passed by slowly without Austin around. It had been a week since I had seen him last. That didn't mean he had stopped trying. I miss him. A whole lot. And I know I could just forgive him and run back. That's what I wanted to do because truth is, I already forgave him. But my pride wasn't letting me go back to him.

Parker, Randy, and I were all hanging out in our dorm room. I say that but they were both asleep. I was beyond bored of waiting on them to wake up so I decided to go for a walk. I put on my shoes and grabbed my earbuds.

As I was walking out of the door, I seen that another note had been slid under it. I knew it was from Austin so I read it.

I have let too many
Nights pass without
Telling you how your love is
So beautiful and full.
And how it blooms in the
Darkness and how it is the
Only thing I can see;
Distantly burning like a candle
On the edge of the world.

I smiled slightly, folding the note back up and putting it on my desk. I missed him so badly. I just wanted to hug and kiss him and have him tell me he loves me. But that won't happen.

It was dark when I got back from my walk. I stayed out later on purpose, wanting to enjoy the city lights. I walked into my room and Parker and Randy weren't there. However, there was an envelope on my desk.

I walked over to it and opened it, pulling out an Aerosmith lanyard that had a swipe card at the end of it. I was confused until I pulled out a note that said "Meet me where we'll take over the world." I clutched the key to my chest and smiled.

After debating on if I should go or not, I decided to. Maybe Austin and I can just talk and see what's going on. I quickly got on my phone and got an Uber. It didn't take long for him to get here.

"Grand Avenue, please," I said to the driver as I got in. He nodded. The drive was silent except for the radio playing at a low volume.

"This place is closed," the driver said as we arrived.

"I know," I said, flashing him my key and getting out of the car. "Have a good night!"

I stood in front of the building and looked up. I took a deep breath and walked towards the building, swiping the card. The door opened and I walked in, getting in the elevator and hitting the button for the top floor.

Once I reached the top, I walked around the corner to wear the rooftop entrance was. I pushed the door open and walked up the stairs.  I seen Austin sitting on the other side of the building.

"Hey," I said quietly, approaching him.  He turned around and immediately stood up.

"I didn't think you'd come," he smiled, walking towards me.

"I'm here," I said, handing him the key. "Here's your key back."

"That's not mine," he shook his head, pulling out one from his pocket.

"Then whose is it?" I questioned.

"Yours," he told me.

"Austin, no," I said. "This space isn't meant for me."

"If I didn't want you to be here, you wouldn't be," he looked at me and sighed. "Olivia, I miss you."

"I miss you, too," I said quietly, looking down at the ground.

"Then what are we doing?" He asked.

"You can't just do whatever you want and expect me to be fine with it," I told him. "I'm so hurt, Austin."

"I know, Olivia, trust me. I hurt myself, too," He shook his head. "But I have never cared about hurting a girl's feelings, so that's how I know I need you in my life."

"I want to forgive you and I want to be with you," I told him. "But you just aren't letting me in enough Austin. And I don't know how long I can do whatever we're doing."

"I was fourteen years old when I started smoking cigarettes," Austin told me, sitting down. "Do you want to know why I did?"

"Yeah," I replied, sitting next to him.

"I was hoping they would kill me," Austin admitted. "I was young and I didn't know it was a long term thing. I thought after a few cigarettes, they'd kill me."

"Why did you want to... die?" I questioned but instantly regretted it. I didn't want to cross any lines.

"I had just lost my mom and my dad kept blaming me for it," He told me. "But I was too scared to try and really die. I guess I never lost that fear because I'm still here."

I could tell this wasn't him trying to get me to feel sorry for him. This was the real and raw Austin. The one I had been yearning to love.

"How did your mom-uh, how-," I tried to ask but it didn't come out.

"She overdosed," He looked over at me. "It was accidental. She didn't do it on purpose."

"I'm so sorry, Austin," I breathed. I was. I wish I could take away all the pain he had felt.

"My dad was so fucking awful," He shook his head, a tear running down his face. I leaned over and wiped it away. "He would get so mad at me for even talking about my mom and he'd just... hurt me."

"How did you get out?" I asked him, wiping more tears from his face.

"I left a suicide note that told him not to come look for me and I ran away to my aunt's house," He told me. "It's fucking crazy, I know. But what's crazier is that I don't think my dad ever did go look for me."

"Listen," I turned to him and grabbed his hands. "I know you've had a rough past, and I can't change that as much as I wish I could. But I'm here now and I'm going to try my hardest to make your life worth living, Austin."

"You already do make life worth living," He smiled at me.

"I know your mom would be proud of the heart you have, Austin," I said quietly.

"Olivia," Austin looked at me with his sparkling blue eyes. "I love you."

a/n: ahhHhHhHhhhhHhh IM cRYinG bitCH

WHO HAS BEEN WAITING ON THIS BC I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO WRITE IT !!!!

be waiting for the next chapter!! my bitch ass is gonna cry :•))))

((the poem used was by r.m. drake))