feel ➳ post malone [IN EDITING]

48

silhouette // aquilo

"Olivia, are you okay?" Austin asked me as Parker helped me off of the ground. I stood up and glared at him.

"I'm fine," I said as I wiped my pants off. "Just keep your crazy bitch away from me."

I pushed past Austin and began walking into the house followed by Parker.

"Wait, Liv," Austin said from behind me. "Olivia! Please."

"What? What do you want?" I asked, turning around to face him. The music was blasting so I couldn't really hear him.

"I just want to talk to you," He shook his head. "Please. Even if you never talk to me again after this."

I turned around to look at Parker. He nodded as if to tell me to go ahead.

"Fine," I sighed. "But let's make it quick."

"Thank you," Austin said, holding out his hand. I rolled my eyes but took it. He led me through the living room and up the stairs to his room.

"So," I said, sitting on his bed. "I'm here."

"I just want to apologize," Austin let out a breath, sitting in his desk chair.

"For what?" I asked.

"For everything really," He told me. "But I'll start with not believing you about Lenny."

"Why didn't you believe me, Austin?" I looked down at my hands.

"Because you know what, Olivia? You're right," He dropped his hands to his thighs. "I want to find a reason to push you away. I want to hurt you before you have a chance to hurt me."

"Why do you think I'm going to hurt you?" I questioned. "I haven't done anything to put those thoughts in your head."

"I know that. But something in my mind won't wrap around the fact that you actually love me," He told me. "No one has ever loved me."

"That's not true, Austin," I shook my head. "Your mom loved you, Taylor and Randy love you, and I hate to admit it but hell, even Zoe loves you. You're loved whether you like it or not."

"None of them make or made me feel the way you do," He shook his head. "And I mean that."

"I want you to understand that I know it's hard for you," I told him. "But I have no idea how to love either, Austin. I've never had feelings like this before. We may be completely different but we're the exact same in that aspect."

"I know I haven't been the best to you," He told me. "But you terrify me. The fact that I'm so in love with you terrifies me."

"In love?" I questioned. He had never used that term before. Sure, 'I love you' had been said. But I don't think he's admitted to being in love.

"Completely and utterly in love with you, Liv," He leaned forward.

"But Austin," I shook my head. "I cannot keep going in circles with you. I've told you before but I'm serious this time. I have to watch out for myself."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"One minute, you're in love with me. The next you're breaking my heart," I told him. "And it's so toxic. This isn't how I envisioned being in love."

"I know, Olivia," he sighed. "I'm an awful person. I try so hard and I fuck it up every time."

"Hey, stop saying that," I leaned forward and put my hand on his knee. "You're an amazing guy, Austin. It's underneath the person you think you are."

"No, I'm truly an asshole," He shook his head. "And I in no way deserve someone like you."

"You're right," I said. "You don't. Because I treat you like you put the stars in the sky and you treat me the complete opposite."

"I'm so sorry I make you feel this way," he looked down at his intertwined fingers.

"There are sometimes when I couldn't ask for a better man," I told him. "But why can't that be you all the time?"

"I'm not sure how to be this guy that's right for a girl," He told me. "I have never built a relationship with a girl, Liv. It's always just sex and those girls don't care how I treat them."

"I'm sorry that I have self respect," I said confidently.

"I'm so glad you have the self respect you do," He looked at me, his eyes watering. "Because I'm afraid that if you would've been just like any other girl, I would've never known what love is."

"How can you love me when you turn around and call Zoe when things get rough for us?" I asked him. I wondered so badly what it was about Zoe that made him comfortable.

"Zoe cares. She listens to me and tries to give me advice," He told me. "She's where I've ran to for a while. She's what I know."

"I'm not trying to be some annoying clingy girl but why do you need her?" I asked him. "I care, Austin, more than anyone does. And I will listen to you until I can't anymore."

"I'm done with her," He said quickly. "I don't even want her as a friend. And I don't want her near you. She's a fucking snake and I am so sorry I didn't realize that sooner."

"Why did you call her after I told you I'd be done if you did?" I asked him. "It has been bothering me since it happened. Like I'm not good enough."

"I promise to you, and my mom if I need to, that I didn't even touch her. I have no idea why she sent you a picture suggesting we were doing anything other than talking," He said. "Well, I do know. She's jealous of you."

"What could she possibly be jealous of?" I rolled my eyes.

"Zoe has been trying to get me to fall in love with her for three years," He shrugged. "And you done it in a few months."

"It doesn't feel like it," I sighed in disappointment.

"I know," He shook his head.

"Austin, do you have any idea how hard it is to love someone who acts like they don't have feelings and shows no emotion?" I questioned. "It sucks. It's the hardest thing I have ever had to do."

"I... I don't know how to show them, Liv," he gritted his teeth. "And it pisses me off every day that I'm not sure how to treat you. I know what you deserve but it's like I'm not capable of doing it."

"You are capable, Austin," I told him. "You'll know how to treat the right one. I'm just not sure I'm that person."

He immediately got up from his seat and crashed his lips into mine, grabbing my head between his hands. The passion behind the kiss was so real. The love behind the kiss was so real.

"You are the right one," He pulled away and looked at me. "And I'm going to be better for you, Liv."

a/n: i'm getting comments & messages that are a littttttle shady. things about how they're not understanding why i'm writing the way i am & how i depict olivia is stupid because austin is a bad person.

WE KNOW !!! that's the whole point of the book: olivia making austin a better person. how boring would the story be if i DIDNT put any conflict in it? of course austin is going to hurt her. this is a fan FICTION, not real life.

i TRULY love & appreciate constructive criticism & you guys telling me how to improve my writing because lord knows i need it!! but messages like these WILL NOT change my writing & will only make me upset so kindly hop off of my dick and enjoy the story that i try my hardest to make decent!!

please don't think i'm a bitch because i am SO not. it just gets so irritating. don't get this confused with comments that are like "omg olivia needs to respect herself and not let austin run her over!" because i LOVE comments like that!! it shows you're into the book & lives of the characters. i'm addressing the ones that are basically calling my book shit for how i've planned the storyline.

anyways, rant over. ily guys & i am SO grateful for the tons of positive comments & messages i get!! continue sending them!!