As Time Goes On - A SebaCiel Story

Chapter 1: Acceptance

Sebastian Michaelis plagues me. He infects my thoughts and manifests in my nightmares. His death displayed in a variety of horrific ways or he stands there and relishes in my agony as the torture never ends on that white marble altar. The knives slicing and all I can see is his sadistic grin. Yet I awaken to the smiling face of the man who forces me to suffer nightly, and I can never truly be angry at him for it. His soothing voice calms my screaming panic. His hands stroking my hair relaxes me. His welcoming arms wrapping around my small frame eases the pain of my loss. The loss I feel every time I open my eyes. And the loss that only this demon can heal.

"Sebastian, who was on the phone?" I ask with slight intrigue as I slowly slide my pile of disinteresting paperwork as far away from me as possible. "That was your physician, my Lord.  Your prescription pills are ready to pick up." A frown forms on the man's face as I roll my eyes. I hate taking medication, it's an insult and Sebastian knows it. Yet he always excuses it by telling me that as his Contractor and his Master, it is his duty to keep me mentally and physically healthy. Although he never enforced this rule when I was younger. When the trauma truly set in. "You know you must take them. What kind of butler would I be if I let my Master continue to be haunted by a past he can't control?"
"One who understands that I am capable of handling it. That I don't require some little pill to take away my pain. I have it under control Sebastian."
"Is that why you wake up screaming?"
"Would you rather me wake up a sobbing mess?"
"I'd rather you sleep through the night without interruption!"
"And become groggy with a head of cotton wool all day?"
"If that's what it takes to stop you sleeping throughout the day to make up for sleepless nights then I'd gladly shove that little white pill down your throat one way or another!"
"I'd spit that right in your insolent face." He rests a hand on his forehead as he sighs, defeated. "I understand that you can handle this but the truth is that you don't have to. You act ashamed but never tell me why. And it's wearing me down, my Lord. Please, tell me what you see when you close your eyes at night."

"If I tell you will you leave me be?"

"Perhaps."
"Well, that's the best offer that you can give me. I know you wouldn't give up pestering me for all eternity if I didn't answer how you like."

"That is the truth, my Lord."

"Fine, Sebastian, take a seat. I'll tell you everything you desire to know." This should keep me away from my paperwork long enough to start caring about it again.

Without a second thought, he sits down at the chess table, where I usually speak to business partners. It tricks them into thinking that we're equal due to sitting on the same height of chair. Truth be told, in this case especially, the people that sit at this table are far from being perfectly matched.

He sits unnaturally straight in that chair, it would be unnerving if I hadn't seen this before. Stiff as a board when he relaxes. No longer having to pretend to be human. "You may ask questions." I state professionally, understanding the nature of the demon in front of me all too well.

"Your nightmares have worsened. How have they changed?"

"I am still in that cage or on that altar. Only, the torture never ends, leading to my painful demise. You have also manifested in these dreams, either as a sadistic observer of my torture or as someone who is murdered by the cultists before you can save me. Either way I die. They could also consist of watching my parents' bodies burn in the flames engulfing the manor. However that nightmare is far less common."

"What do you dream about when you nap during the day?"

"Memories of my parents, the child I used to be, the person that I have become."

"Are you proud of the person you have become?"

"....I would rather not say."

"I understand, my Lord. Do you ever see the children you burned in that room?"

"No. I will never regret the decisions I have made. There's no point in doing so, the deed is done and nothing good can come from dwelling on it."

"I see. You don't have regrets. Not even over the body count that only gets larger."

"The people I have killed have either been mercy, deserved by the actions of the 'victim' or to show my low view of humanity."

"What an interesting human you are, Phantomhive ."

"What an infuriating demon you are, Michaelis."